January2007

RENA 1/1/07
RENA 1/1/07 HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I cannot believe we have another year down. Every day seems like an eternity and every year like a second. I don't know if it is the age (60) or the pain that causes this.

BERNADETTE: You have put into words what I feel often and think that most of us feel on a regular basis. Knowing there are others out there just like you will not make the pain go away but there can be comfort in numbers. Some days I just want to stay in bed but now I have this puppy and she makes me get up, no matter what. I think that is a good thing, even though I groan every morning when she needs to go out!

I am in a pain management group and we all feel that the depression is the worst part...we could handle the pain, the fog, etc. if only we could overcome the depression. I am supposed to see a new psychiatrist this month through the VA and see if maybe I need a new depression med. I have been on Effexor for several years now. I like it because it has so few side effects for me but I still cry everyday and still often feel that death would be a wonderful release from this kind of life. I am not suicidal at all, but would not fight death at all if my time were to come. I have a friend with lung cancer and she has fought like a dog through every treatment, each worse than the last, to live. I just ask myself WHY?

Bernadette Jan 1
Hi everyone. Thanks for your kind words, esp. Barb and Yolanda. Yo Yo-I've got plenty of friends up here (thank God-it has taken a few years to get them but I feel very blessed now in the friends dept.)They are not in the life-long-I'm-in-a-flare-can-you-come-watch-my-kid category, but they are good just the same. It is more the anger at my limitations that I was railing against. I do need to check out My Space though. Fairbanks is quite far from here, but I do feel for your cousin. We have many members of the service living in our community, and many of the wives are now home alone. I am grateful for their sacrifice.

Anyway, I'm feeling better today. Well, not really physically, but there is only so long I can sustain that angst before I just have to get over it and get on with it! LYNN, JUANITA, LEE ANN and CARI, great to read your posts and see you checking in. I don't respond to your posts often, but just love hearing from you. Welcome, CRYSTAL and TAMMY. Scroll up for my tips (yeah, past the part where I rail about how miserable I am!!!) Seriously, they have helped me, but I haven't found a "cure" just ways to live better with it. RICHARD you are a dear and it is always good to hear from you. Good luck with those nocturnal houseguests!

The things I would like to accomplish this year are 1)quit chewing nicotine gum (a years long habit) without picking up my husband't cigarettes. 2)paint the dingy ceilings in my house, and 3)go back to working in the library part time and quit substitute teaching. Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone-just think all of those people with hangovers today might have an inkling of how we feel everyday!

Bernadette Jan 1
RENA we must have been posting at the same time! I really appreciate your honesty about how this drags at you. I too am on Effexor because I feel no side effects and cry still. I do feel it is working on me though. I like it partially because I can still cry and feel frustration. I have been on Prozac before and I didn't feel any sadness, but I didn't feel like myself either. Still, it sounds like changing your meds might be a good idea if you are crying daily. I too got a puppy who keeps me going. I love him so much! He is such a good cuddler and loyal friend and he does make me get up and go for his sake sometimes when I don't want to. I am so glad that you have your little friend. Please take care.

nancy the ole hippie
hi there...i am an oldbie to the wall! been a long while since i was here. just want to wish you all a very happy new year and i hope it is your best one yet. i am still running "ole hippies with fibromyalgia"....it is a closed group but if you would like to join go to "ole hippies w fibromyalgia hitching post" and let me know you'd like to join. i have been a member here at the wall since it began. i trust some of the folks i new here are still posting. i will check in more often....loves, nancy the ole hippie

DaRhonda 01/01/07
Happy New Year! I was here about 6 weeks ago when I'd just been diagnosed. Was very depressed. Posted once, and hadn't been back. I've done a lot of research on fibro since then, and am constantly fine-tuning my "life with fibromyalgia" plan. Found a great book, which I highly recommend to anyone newly diagnosed. My husband just wasn't understanding, and after about the 10th time of my tearfully telling him he should read the info I found....we ended up in a bookstore. They had a book I'd found on Amazon that had gotten great reviews. It's the Fibroymyalgia and Chronic Myofacial Pain Survival Guide. It has shown me how symptoms I've been having a couple of years were actually all pieces of the same puzzle. Migraines, irritable bowel, rashes, sensitivies to everything, flu-like achiness, depression and anxiety...they were never lumped together as anything except part of depression. But then I began getting this same type of respiratory infection every 3-4 months and I noticed a pattern in the symptoms. When I brought this up to my doctor and asked if I might have Lupus, he (thankfully) sent me to a rheumatologist. She diagnosed me with fibro. I feel truly blessed. It's been a long 2 1/2 years, but I know many people suffer much longer without knowing what's going on. I have a question for others...do you get frequent infections? I get recurrent respiratory infections every 3 - 4 months. I also have asthma, so it causes that to flare up too. So in addition to the antibiotics, I usually end up on steroids too. In everything I've read, there's been nothing about lowered immunity or frequent infections. Wondering if any of you have this problem. Is it part of the Fibro ?

Yolanda Mia 1/1/07
Hello All! Hope everyone's New Year has started better than mine. The cat has fleas, which I'm allergic to the bites. Found out on Friday, so can't do anything with them really til tomorrow. Anyway, just wanted to make a quick response to DaRhonda. I used to be very susceptible to respiratory infections, still am to some extent but not as bad as they used to be. There for awhile I'd get bronchitis at least once every year. I eventually developed pneumonia. Since that bout I've not had the bronchitis anymore, have no clue why. But, all year I struggle with allergies and colds now, so it might be my many meds keeping me from the respiratory infections. I tend to lose my voice at least once a year now, but nothing worse than that. Though, being an aspiring singer, that's enough. Never really thought of it being related to FM, mostly b/c I was taking care of it with over the counter meds way before I was diagnosed. It's an interesting point that you brought up, nothing I've thought about, but maybe I should look into reading that book. I know there are so many things encompassed with the symptoms of fibro, so this one might just make sense also. Lately, I've been thinking my lack of voice strength has been from chronic fatigue, which it might very well be, but could also be the fibro as well. Love ya all! Yoyo

kelly 1/2/07
Kelly Santa Barbara 1/2/07 about those allergies... I first got sick about a year ago. I had recurrent
respiratory infections from january to may (not good with school). I had
seasonal allergies before, but after the URIs, they stopped working, and my
allergies got way out of hand. I dont know, but I think my immune system
was definitely destroyed by the fibro. i hated those respiratory
infections! my last one was in september, but now i take an immunity
supplement (trader joes), and an allergy supplement. These, together with
my 2 allergy meds, pneumonia and flu shots have kept me ok so far. good
luck with the infections, i feel for you!

question for yolanda or anyone else in school, did you tell your professors or
sign up with a diabled student service? I'm applying to grad school, and
I cant decide if revealing my health problem would be good or bad.
Happy New Year Everyone!

Yolanda Mia 1-3-07
Hello All! To answer the question on whether I told the administration about my disability - no. Only because my school has been going through so many transitions and administration has changed over so much, I don't even know who to report it to. Plus, with the structuring of my school, there would be no point. It's all accelerated classes, and if I were to give them a reason I couldn't keep up, then I wouldn't have been allowed to attend, in my opinion. There have been a few classes I wish I'd said something about the fibro, but by then it was too late b/c the classes were only 5 weeks long. By the time they'd get it all into my records I'd be on to a new class. So, it's a hard thing for me to gauge for you since I have different circumstances in my school than most others. But, I do know, that if I'd chosen a different night school that required attendence every night and not one night a week, I'd have reported it or dropped out. I was very lucky to find a school with better structuring that's acredited. If it'd been like all the other accelerated schools, I would never have been able to do it cause they require you in class every night of the week. Sorry if this didn't help much.....hoping it did some. If you have any other questions, you are more than welcome to e-mail me at yolandamia2002@yahoo.com. I'd probably be more equipped to answer questions that you may have that are more specific if need be after my morning fog lifts...lol. Love ya all! Yoyo

Yolanda Mia 1-3-07
Oh, to add one more thing, I did mention to most of my professors that I had fibro, it really didn't seem to matter much.

RENA 1/3/07
RENA 1/3/07 KELLY: I read your question about telling the grad school that you have Fibro. I had to butt in. I have found that if you reveal your disability, it may be used against you, and it becomes part of a permanent record. I know there are laws about discrimination against the handicapped but the discrimination is really hard to prove and expensive. Fibro has no visible signs and is hard to test for and define. There are still many, even in the medical field, that do not even believe it is a disease! I would not mention it unless you feel you could not make it through grad school without the extra help you MAY receive. In the future, once you are working, this can work against you in hiring and in promotion. Again, I know it is against the law...but the real world has a way of getting beyond the law. Just my opinion, for what it is worth.

Doris 1/4/07
Hi everyone and Happy New Year! Hope you all made it thru the ending of 2006 with little pain (yeah I know that's wishful thinking)! I do wish for all of you a new year with less pain and more feel-good days!!! I myself seem to be struggling alot with depression these days and I just went to see my psych. yesterday and I told her I thought I needed to see someone more often. I told her I was having more down times and crying spells and I felt like I have alot of stuff bottled up inside of me that I need to talk about. So I am having a therapy evaluation in Feb, then hopefully will be receiving therapy sessions soon afterwards. Also I am having to take physical therapy for my hand from the carpal tunnel surgery as it is not healing properly and has been causing me alot of pain and discomfort. So as you can see, I am having my own dilemmas here. Somehow I know I am TOO BLESSED to be THIS STRESSED and I am gonna work this all out in time I pray! DEPRESSION is an ugly monster and I hate when it rears it head. Sometimes you can fight it BUT other times you just have to ask for help........I have come to that point I think. I have so many good things in my life BUT depression can blind you from them and pull you down into its ugly dark hole and I don't want to be there so I am fighting it. I also tell you my friends that suffer from depression, DON'T let it win....TAKE back your life...we all have so much going for us! I am gonna go now but I pray that you all have a day of little pain and big smiles.......love and hugs from across the many miles.....................................................Doris

Yolanda Mia 1-4-07
Hello All! After reading what Rena has said, Kelly, I totally agree with her! I knew that somewhere in the back of my head, but the fog seemed to envelope it so I couldn't eloquate as well as Rena has. Cause she's right, it may work against you. Most of my professors that I told of my condition didn't really bother to help me in any way. Now grant it, I'm a very good student but I'd have been even better if I'd had them be more considerate of my foggy days. Some of my tests were by memory and, of course, those seemed to be the days with the worst fog. Every so often I could help persuade more leniency, but only with the help of other students. I have learned from working, that my disability has been used as a weapon againt me. Once I was diagnosed they seemed to be harsher in criticizing my work. So, if at all possible, try to work through this, but if it gets to the point that you can't do it at all, then report your illness.

Doris, I know where you are coming from, in fact, I think we all have from one time or another. I'm glad that you are able to recognize that you need help. Sometimes we are in so deep we feel that nothing can be done. Been there many times and lost friends b/c of it. I found out that some people just don't want to be around you at all to help lift you up. Instead, they feel powerless and run away, which makes your depression worse. I have someone right now that's in that deep and I'm trying to help him, but he's so far in I can't do anything but exhaust myself. I've recommened he go back into therapy, but he said it didn't work for him. When I told him to try someone else, he refused and is still wallowing in depression. I've gotten to the point there is nothing I can do. I'm hoping that he rises out of this funk, and I'm trying to be patient, but have realized now how others must have seen me when I was at my darkest and refused to listen to any help they had. It does get to the point that you just don't want to deal with it anymore b/c it's just too exhausting. That's why I love you all on here. I can be depressed and someone will have the right words to say to help me wake up and snap out of it, or you help me realize I need to seek a professional. That's what great friends are all about! Not everyone has the answers, but there is at least one person that will finally say the right thing and help us to finally be receptive to all others sympathy. Funny thing about depression, someone can say what should help, but we ignore it, and someone else can come along and say the same thing and it lifts you up. I don't know if it's the way it is said, or we are finally coming out of our funk. OK, I'm babbling so I better get off here :). Love ya all! Yoyo

Cheryl r 1/04/07
Cheryl R PA 1/4/07 Hello to all, I wrote to be posted on 1/2/07 and don't see it so I'm wondering what happen. Today I have a cold. Perservering to get budget done and out the door for errands. I had written I had two different wks with flare-ups. One wk worse than the other. Also tried to answer others to encourage and speak of my past experiences of the same. I will wait to see if this gets posted before I spend more time writting. I hope I am following all the rules. Blessings to you all for the New Year!

Bernadette Jan 4
DORIS I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. For those who haven't suffered from it, it is easy to say just snap out of it. But there is depressed (a little blue, passes fairly quickly) and then there is DEPRESSED that feeling that you just can't shake. I've been both and there is a big difference. When I was DEPRESSED I felt like there was this big dark cloud closing down on me all the time, or like a boxer who just couldn't get up off the mat one more time. For me, there was no shaking it without medication. I felt really ashamed, like I just needed to snap out of it and be grateful. But there is a biochemical basis for that deep depression, and as you know, many of us are prone to it. There is no reason to be ashamed. I look back on all the time I was trying to snap out of it as a waste of time. Life is too short. I am happier and able to be of more service now that I have gotten on medication for it. You are a very dear soul, and I know that you are the last one of us who would ever wallow in self pity. You are always trying to do for others and look on the bright side. I am so glad that you are going to see someone. Maybe you are recycling some of that junk from the bad marriage now that you are out of it and having a delayed reaction? Who knows? I do know that I admire you greatly and that you have been a great source of strength for me here and I appreciate how positive and giving you are and how hard you battle this illness. Please consider antidepressants if your counselor suggests them. Take care and know that we are routing for you! Things are not as dark as they seem. It is just those neurochemicals playing a bad joke on you. Fight back!

cheryl r 1/04/07
Cheryl r 1/04/07 Hi everyone, I see my posting made it. Reading other posts I can relate. I have allergies. I get sores in my mouth which I think is my retainer and have tried a new one. It didn't work. Now looking into a liner that's bonded to back of teeth for the bottom. My teeth grow twisting over the others. My dentist, perio and ortho docs are all talking it over. Than there's the question of money. I found out my insurance won't pay ortho anymore since 2005. Only up to 19yrs. So, we'll see soon if it's that important. Next skin allergies. My skin doc says I have the "itchy red bump disease". A biopsy of skin on my arm came back with nothing so he's calling it that saying there are other ladies who have these things. I am using clobex spray when they occur and it works. Recently on going yeast infections. Cream and than it goes away. Next it's back use another type you put on yourself. That didn't work. More cultures to see what bacteria it is-well it's yeast again. So I took a tablet and take another in 4 days and that should fix it. (We'll see) I have a cold now and am doctoring me for now and see where it goes. I read about the carpal tunnel surgery. I have that and wear a brace every nite for about 7yrs. It helps it not to go to sleep. I go to a chiro who works on the back at the shoulder blade. He zeros in a gets fixed. Maintenance he says. When I am in pain I go. So there are days when it's good. Weather sometimes I think or over use. Right now typing isn't bothering it and it usually does. Fibro is so up & down. Like flare-ups. They lay me out or just annoy the heck out of me. I find exercise helps. I go to Curves 4yrs now and there's a big difference. Also signed up to dance aerobics. That is fun too. I walk my dogs about 6 days. My husband does some of it too. We have a dascund mix and a new puppy from the Humane Soc that is a schnauzer mix. We named her Pumpkin. We had a large collie mix that looked like Lassie and he was put to rest Nov. 9th. Our little dog was so out of it. We thought we'd wait till Spring. But we went lookin' and found Pumpking. She has livened up his life. She had a cherry eye and we had surgery done. It's great. Something new for us being dog owners for years. I go to a massage therapist and that's tomorrow. I tell her to beat me up. I like paying back the pain. It feels great and we have a good relationship over the last yrs. Close to my house that I can walk. She gets all the glitches out in the fachia tissue(might be spelled wrong). Also deep breathing which I have learned to do a lot of. It really helps. I go to counseling also at least once a month. I believe it helps me sort out things to keep the stress down. I know for sure that over stressed agravates my fibro. Boundaries are important also. Making choices and not feeling trapped in something. Freedom. Measuring myself. I don't work for these reasons b/c I cannot tell a boss-well I'll be in today and call tomorrow and say I can't be in then. Not fair to the employer or my body. I am on disability. Fibro/chronic fatigue and post traumatic disorder. I take meds for anxiety and depression and feel a lot better. Depression had become a recent thing - just crying for no reason. They believe I have SAD. Whatever! I like to do things I enjoy and make sure there's some laughs. Socialize also. Create things and help others when I can. I have a great husband who is very supportive and that is a great blessing. Well time to go. Hope something I said helps someone and hope to learn from you all also. Cheryl

JUANITA JAN. 6TH
JUANITA/TX good morning everyone. welcome newbies. it is sat. morning here in austin and kind cold but nothing major. i have had a rough week but made it thru and now i don't plan on doing anything i don't have too. my housework is pretty caught up and only need to do laundry and nothing else todat but relax. i have a question, hopefully someone can give me a insight. for the last couple of weeks i have been waking up with my hands killing me. at first i thought maybe i slept on my hand because it was tingling like it does when it numb. but the numbing and tingling is painful and i can hardly move my fingers. at first it was inder my three middle fingers palm side up but now it just seems to be all over my hands and sometimes up to my elbow. mainly on my right hand and elbow but still on the left as well. any ideas? my knee is still sore from my walling in the tub but the bruise is fading. well it's been 7 month since i first filed for disability nad so far nothing new to add. just a waiting game i guess. sometimes i think i should look for a job and forget it but i know that isn't possible. i also have a hearing loss and can/t see sometimes and i know my mind couldn't handle going for some kind of training. feel so helpless sometimes. i am not feeling sorry for myself so PLEASE don't think i am. just alittle depressed i guess. well i guess i will stop this pity party and let someone who realy need to talk have it space. thank you for listening. gentle huggs for everyone. JUANITA

cheryl r 1/06/07
Hello Juanita, I have had tingling in my right hand going up arm into shoulder over the years. Diagnoised as carpal tunnel and giver a brace to wear each nite which I do faithfully. Chiro helps me a lot. He zeros in on the exact spot that brings relief along with adjustment over all. Every so often I go to him as needed. In the long run it has gotten better not over. There are flare ups. Also massage helps for spasms in the shoulder muscles. I use a product called Biofreeze which I first was intro to by a physical therapist. Great stuff and not staining clothes. About disability. It took me two years. I applied and was turned down and than told to continue but with a lawyer. They get paid if case is won. Lots of paper work which I blessed to have a professional person help me from Mental Health near my home. I had court and even to the lawyer who didn't seem to sure I won. My thinking is you don't know till you try. I have post traumatic syndrome also. I could work a few hours as only allowed by regulations yet I never know when my flare ups will occur. How can you say that to a boss? Undependable. Unpredictable. Hope these thoughts shared of my experiences help you. I am typing this and even this use to be very painful. I just don't want to give up. Cheryl r 1/06/07

JUANITA JAN 6TH
JUANITA/TX cheryl r, thanks for the info. i was leaning toward carpal tunnell but after looking it up some of it didn't match but some did. i hope not. i have enough without that. osteoarthitis, fibro, flat feet, bone spurs, planter fiacitis, overweight, busted ear drum, bad ankles. don't need another one. at least that one can't be tied to being overweight. lol i do have a lawyer. got it after being turned down twice. i am waiting to hear from my dr. about the c-pac for sleep apna, yeah i got that one too. crazy huh. i think i am just falling apart. wish we could order a new body like we can order takeout. lol. JUANITA

Annette 1-8-07
Annette 1-8-07 Hello,everyone. Crystal Stegall I would like to say welcome and let you also know that I am from Brunswick Ohio. I am probably about 20 minutes away depending on where in Cleveland you live. I understand what you are going through and I can only say take one day at a time and enjoy your grand kids while you can. I have 4 kids myself.I know how it feels to be tired and exhausted but still have the children there to take care of. I've learned to rest when I can. Take breaks when doing things as to not over extend myself. Keep coming back here the people here are great to talk to.

Kim 7Jan07
Hi there everyone!

I've been gone so long y'all have probably forgotten about me. But
with health issues, a sudden move coming up, and working my business
I haven't had time to stop by here!

I'm sorry to see all the pain here...guess I hoped everyone would find
their way out of it. (and then tell me. :) )

I am glad to remind y'all I'm here, and hoping to stop by regularly
so that I can catch up on who's doing what.

Stay out of trouble and know everyone is in my prayers!

Kim Paluch
kim_paluch@sbcglobal.net

Stefanie-PA January 7, 2007
Hello, This is the first time I am posting to the Wall. Actually this is the first time I have seen this site. I am 39 and have had FMS for about 3 1/2 years but diagnosed about 1 year ago. I have a daughter who just turned 11 and a husband of 14 years. Neither is dealing with my Fibromyalgia very well and I guess I am not dealing with it well either. I do have a question and hoping someone has had the same problem and can help me. In the last year I have lost close to 70 lbs. I am 5'7 and trying to stay above 100lbs. I have totally lost my appetite and some food makes me physically ill; I spit it in the trash. Of course I also have IBS so when I do actually eat I am in the bathroom within 1/2 hour. I have had stomach biopsy, a tube put down my throat, many many bood test, chest xray, ultrasounds and more but still no answer. My many medications have a side effect of weight gain not loss. I and my doctors have no idea what to do now so if anyone has any ideas or this has happened to you I would love to hear from you. I am so happy I have found this site; it is nice to be able to contact other people who know and understand what I am going through on a daily basis. Thanks again

Cari K .1-07-07
Cari K. 1-07-07 Stephanie of Pa.,I had the same problem with the weight loss while I was on the anidepressant Cymbalta. Most people swear by it but I lost 20lbs. in a month or so. The doctors knew that that was the only thing new I was taking so they took me off of it.Well,to say the least,they put me back on Paxil(which I had taken before) and now I would like to lose 20lbs.So please go through the meds you are taking and narrow down when the weight loss started.I wouldn't be surprised if this had something to do with it.But either way,keep coming back to the wall.The people here are great and they care alot.If it's not the meds, then I'm sure someone here can help figure it out.Gentle Hugs,Cari K.

juanita jan8 th
JUANITA/TX hello everyone. i can't believe the day i have had. i called my dr. for an appointment because of the burning sensation in my fingers and night when i sleep and i was informed that my dr. was ill and would not be coming back and i had to find a new dr. i was schoked that no one called and told me that i had to get a new dr. i knew he was ill but not that ill. i hope he is going to be ok. nobody tells you anything. i did find another dr. who not only is a rumatologist but also a orthopedic dr. i will see her on the 17th. i can't even get the results from my sleep study now untill the new dr. gets the results. i had to call my lawyer (disability) and tell them what is up. i just reread this and can't believe all the mistakes i have made typing this.

Donna-1/9/07
Hi Everyone: This is my first time to the "Wall" and I can definitely relate to everything I have just read and sympathize with each and everyone of you. Like many of you, I also have a long medical history which includes fibromyalgia, depression, panic and anxiety, cervical spondylosis, PTSD and much more.

I was forced out of my job on 10/15/04 after serving 20 years at the company.

I have applied for SSD and have been denied twice (initial claim and reconsideration). The next step will be in front of the Administrative Law Judge. I am feeling very anxious about going in front of a judge to justify my medical conditions even though I have support from my doctors and a lawyer. Is there anyone on this site that has reached the level of the ALJ and if so would you please share your experience so I know what to expect? Thank you

Doris 1/9/07
Good morning friends. Hope you are all doing somewhat better...we can always hope can't we? My motto is to NEVER give up even though at times it seems like everything feels so hopeless. But there are so many good things in our lives that we have to hold our heads up and hang in there! Awwww my good friends, we are just too blessed to be so stressed! Things COULD be so much worse for us! So you guys all remember that today when you start to feeling down,ok?

DONNA, I have been in front of the Administrative Law Judge last April. I was denied 2-3 times for my disability and had been fighting for it since 2004. I was very nervous but it wasn't as bad as I thought. He will ask your lawyer some questions and also ask you some. Things like what can you do and how does your illnesses affect you everyday. Can you do this and that? Do you do alot of cleaning? Just simple things to answer. Just tell him how you hurt. Just stress the pain and how often it bothers you and that you can't do the things you used to do. You will do fine honey. I got my answer in 11 days and I was approved. I hope this makes you feel better dear.

Hope you all have a truly blessed day.........hugs and smiles from me across the miles.............take care and will post again soon........love you all............Doris

Richard in Tucson January 09
Hi all here at this wonderful Wall.
It was good to read all the postings, "Happy New Year To You All" I want to let you know I am still around, I was just so busy with people visiting from out of town & Country that I was too overwhelmed to be here. I Love and miss you all.
We have a lot of catching up, so many things have happened. I want you all to know I am so proud of your accomplishments, I feel for you in your difficult moments, I wish I could always have had helpful things to contribute here that will help or have helped you in the times you needed them most, but I am but one person with many limitations, as we all deal with. I must start from this day and go forward not backward. Just know I care about you all and will be back soon.
Welcome to the Newbies, keep coming back.
Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson....

Yolanda Mia 1-9-07
Hello All! Just wanting to say Welcome to all the Newbies! Things have been frustrating for me lately, and there has been so much on my plate, that I have nothing to say b/c I can't get my thoughts in order to do so. I'm working on starting my own business online, so I've been mired in all that. I initially was going to open a store front, but after consulting with some people, I realized that an online store was much more plausible. Things have just been crazy since the year started and I've been in quite the bad mood lately. Hoping things will level out very soon. Tonight I start classes again. Not sure if this is the only class I'll be taking towards my bachelors b/c hoping to move to Chicago by next month. Only time will tell.

Doris, seems to me you are doing better. I'm happy that you are determined to get through this rough patch. We're all here for you if need be. Love ya all! Yoyo

RENA 1/9/07
RENA 1/9/07 I do not write too much but I read everyone each day. Reading what you all write really helps me get through this life with chronic pain.

DONNA: I also went before a Judge after being rejected twice. I found it not bad at all. My advice is to remember not to "buck up". By that I mean that you should complain...a lot. Do not try to be a strong person who is making it through FMS without too much help! We all do that on a daily basis but before the Judge you should be weak and helpless, like you often feel inside. Tell him all you CANNOT do; list all the people and techniques that you have to help you; and make sure to list what you used to be able to do and can no longer. Practice these because he will be asking! For example, I carry a pillow with me wherever I go because I cannot sit for long without it...I call ahead to all restaurants I have never been to before to ask about the chairs...I wear a sports bra all the time because I cannot hook a regular bra without help and do not want to ask my husband every day. These are the kinds of things I mean. If, while you are in there, you need to stand up or stretch..do it and explain why. If Fibro Fog is an issue make sure you mention it. Remember, this meeting is to decide if you can work and support yourself, so the Fog is important. Good luck to you...I hope these hints help.

Belinda 01/10/06
I haven't been to the wall in so long that I feel like a newbie! I will have to say that this wonderful wall got me through two of the most difficult phases of my life. It also helped my daughter when she was diagnosed. I'm actually doing fairly well right now. In September I accepted a promotion to make me director of the department that I work in at the hospital (I'm a nurse). I did it for a couple of reasons. First it's more money and if I eventually have to apply for disability my disability at work is based on my income for the previous 6 months. Second it's using my head more than my body and I get to sit quite a bit of the day. HOWEVER and there seems to always be a however, the stress is really getting to me. Plus when the patient census goes up and there are not enough nurses to staff the floor.....I have to fill in. I just pulled a 13 night shift and I know from experience it will take 4 or 5 days to get over it, so now I'm questioning my sanity for taking the job. OH well, somehow I'll make it and when the day comes for disability I'll file for it. I have both short term and long term disability through my employer. To get my long term from them all I have to do is have a physician letter stating my disability. The short term will also kick in for one year or until Social Security kicks in. Luckily I have a lawyer in my family that will help me when and if the time comes for that. Now for a question, have any one tried Lyrica? Just curious as to the results and whether they last. Have a wonderful, low pain day!!!

Cheryl R 1/10/07
Cheryl R 1/10/07 Hello everyone, Juanita I was glad to hear yr comments and wow what a list of things you deal with. The plantar fiacitis I'm wondering if that's a heel spur? I had one for two yrs after a bunion surgery wearing a surgicial shoe which I believed put me off balance and caused the spur. Very painful. Cortisone shots twice and orthodics along with streching by standing on the bottom stair dropping feet to stretch the facia. I have a girlfriend who got it also. Hers lasted two yrs also. I read on it to see that 2 yrs was common. Of course, this may not be the condition you spoke of but there's my input. I have a joke I say that goes "if nothing is dangling behind me(parts of my body)I guess I'm alright. Donna I have to been before the judge and it's pretty much the same as the others said to expect. The judge asked my lawyer questions and than me. That day before arriving I had excruiating pain in my lower back. I couldn't sit in the waiting room. When in the court room I didn't know what I'd do and just slowly sat down on the edge of the chair. They were all concerned asking me if I was ok. A judge, her recording sec., a lady from disability office, my lawyer and me were present. The pain grew. When questioning came to me the judge said what has changed in yr life since all this? When I briefly thought I began to cry. I had a flash of a vision where my husband and I was walking and he had planned the walk so that it would include a bench for I tired easy. When seeing this in my mind I cried. She said are you alright and when I tried to answer I cried worse. I fell apart. Sobbing I tried to tell her what I was experiencing and barely got it out. In myself I saw this bench and many things that had changed since my illness began and all that I had to grieve of what was loss. This vision I had of the bench just became a trigger of pain of change in my life. I have a good and understanding husband. My teens at the time were on their way out of the house so alot got changed as far as the routine that demanded my time. The judge called for a recess. I still was a crying mess. Actually shocked at how bad I felt. My lawyer said do you want to walk in the hall and I said not really(because of my back). Again she said do you want to go to the bathroom? I thought maybe I should try just to get away from them and try to adjust. I found there were stairs leading to bathroom. Gosh, Lord, what else! I moved slowly up them and straightened me out returning immediately to the court room where everyone had come back in already. We began again with more questions but a lot went to the disiability lady. Asking her what she thought after listening to my limitations and basically she felt I couldn't work. No real judgement of answer overall was given just my lawyer leaning over saying I believe you won. Of course, there was another time period to wait to hear it on paper. About two to three months. My days since then have been of acceptance of my limitations and some improvements as time passes. Much with striving to try or risk. The fibro reminds me though that it is not gone. Currently I've had yeast infection and than another one. Med first time and than more work with another appt to have cultures done to prove it was back and get more med. Than immediately came the cold I pic up at our family Christmas gathering from my step-daughter. I tried awhile to doctor myself and gave up with a call to the doc's nurse for med or something. I finished a three day course of that today. I formed this excruiating head ache that makes my stomach sick. Pills for pain didn't work. Just going thru the day trying to ignore it. I swear what I hear about migraines I beleive it could have been one. Although my neck muscles tense up so bad they often are the reason. My husband rub my neck when he got home tonite and it helped a lot. Tension/reaction to meds or something. Very cold and windy weather also which can be a cause for me. Whatever! I'm about to go to bed and pray it's gone in the morning. Yes each day I pray thank yous for many things I do have or are happening in my life and others around me. Inspite of this body's goings on there is a life to have and I try to be in it. Blessings to you all! Cheryl R

Barb(Pa) 1/11/07
Good Morning FM'ily, Finally after two and a half weeks of sitting idle we have a load. Freight has been terrible in our area,and when our wheels don't turn we make no money. Being owner/operators we can't draw unemployment.

Welcome to the newbies !!! You are starting a new year with wonderful friends,but I'm sooooooo sorry you have the need to seek us out.

I too have been before the judge and my experience was much like the others who have posted. I was deemed disabled,but still denied any benefits because I had not worked enough quarters(I was a stay home Mom)and we had two much household income for any other benefits at that time.I'm giving some thought to trying again now that my quarters are paid up.

I can't believe the holidays have come and gone,it seemed to fly by this year. I did no baking or making candy,didn't even have the Grandkids here this year,everyone was to busy.

We had our first dusting of snow Tuesday night and temps went down into the teens,so I guess I'm kinda glad we are going to Florida with this load.

Welcome back Belinda and Richard. Yoyo,good luck with your new class and everyone have a wonderful day. Sending warm gentle hugs.

Richard in Tucson January 11
Happy Thursday Afternoon to you all.
I don't have time to post something of importance. I just wanted to say. I too have had a lot of Depression lately. I get so run down and feel I can't go on, I can't seem to get anything accomplished, this causes me to spiral into glome. Today for the first time this year I am finally getting something done. I am working on texturing the Drywall around the sliding glass door out our Master bed room to the New Deck. Tomorrow I help in my parent's preschool with some maintenance. I wish you all the best weekend. I will not be back on here to post until Wed. next week. But I do read when I get a chance.
Gentle Hugs and thanks for being here for me. Richard in Tucson...

Stefanie-PA Thursday, January 11, 2007
Hello again and Thank You all for the warm welcome.
Cari K. thank you for your response to my question about weight loss. I did look back at my meds and I have changed so many medications over the last 3 years and have so many bad side effects to most of them I dread every time they want to try something new. I would hate it if the cause of this weight loss is one of my current medications because these are the only ones that have helped,even though not much help. We have played around with my meds and I still lose weight. I am guessing not many others have had this problem becuase you are the only one that has answered.
I hope others are not upset that I am complaining about weight loss because I read that others have the opposite problem, but my doctors are now afraid that I will develope other problems with my organs not working correctly. I have already stopped getting my period from the weight loss; and I know I look bad. I try not to even look in the mirror unless I absolutely have to. I am really scared about this and don't want anything else to think or worry about.
I am having a hard time with all of this and not getting much support from my husband and daughter. I had to stop working 3 years ago (and was asked to leave because of missed days and misstakes). I used to work for a Title Insurance Company handling Real Estate closings, but I was in too much pain, thinking it was the herniated discs in my back causing all the problems, missed work alot and was making many misstakes. Now I rarely leave the house except to take my daughter to and from school and doctor apointment. The only socializing I do now is talk to my Mom, Mother-in-Law and sisters on the phone. None of them really understand what I deal with everyday and I guess I don't expect them to. I don't talk about it much, many people don't even know that I have FMS; I don't tell too many people and I'm not sure why. I am not used to being home all the time and not being able to do even the simplest things. I am the person who would help everyone; they would call me for help, I do not like asking for help. Even when I run into someone I haven't seen for a while they ask what is wrong because of the weight loss, walking so slow, hands shaking and limping and I rarely say anything. I think the thing that bothers me the most besides being in pain 24/7 is my mind not working normally. I can't even help my daughter,who's in 5th grade, with her homework. I feel like an idiot; I babble half the time; and used to laugh about it until it got this bad. I have thrown 3 bottles of my medication in the trash and didn't realize it until it was time to take it again. I had to dig in the trash can to find them. We do try to laugh about the stupid things I do but sometimes I feel so stupid.
Anyway I am sorry the rambling on about all of this and I know everyone goes thru the same thing but this is the first time I have really been able to talk about how I feel to anyone who would actually understand and not look at me like I was crazy. I suppose I am feeling sorry for myself and I know I need to get past that but I am having a hard time doing so. Thank you for listening and if anyone has any suggestions about the weight thing I would greatly appreciate it. I hope everyone has a wonderful and less painful day. I am glad you are all here to help and listen. This is a big step for me just talking about the FMS and I am so happy to have found THE WALL! You are all wonderful people. I will shut up now. Take care.

JUANITA JAN.11
JUANITA/TX. hello everyone. it is thursday and i can't wait for the weekend. i have a new baby to keep that seems to hate me. all she does is cry. with 3 babies 5 months old and a 2 year old, i am at my limit. thank goodness my sister in law will be here monday with my brother to stay with us and she is going to help me. her mother also has fibro so she knows the pain i am going thru. monday was such a bad day for me i think if i could have reached my 410 i would have put myself out of my misery. after finding another dr. i was called back and told she doesn't treat fibro. so i had to go again and search for another one. finally found one and hopefull she can find out if i have carpal tunnel in my hands. CHERYL, thats for the info. i do have large bone spurs on my heels. i have had them for over 20 years. when i first got them i was told that they could scrape the bones but they would grow back so it was useless. now they can't do anything because my feet are too flat and it would make it worse. so no matter where i go it's the same story. .well i have to go. gentle huggs to all. nice to hear from you RICHARD. JUANITA

Doris 1/12/07
Hello dear friends, Sometimes I think I am totally losing it but I know I am not....it's just that I am such a different person than I used to be before I had all these illnesses. I have changed so much in the past 3 years that sometimes I find it hard to even remember the old me, sad huh? I guess most of you have been there too. I am not too crazy about this tired and sick person I have become. I have accepted her but I sure don't like her. "She" has taken so much away from me!!! I am angry and I think I have that right. I often ask myself why did I have to suffer thru a long and bad marriage, get a divorce to have a new lease on life when my kids were practically grown only to be knocked back down by all kinds of medical problems!!! Ya know, I really am not a bad person and I just can't figure out why this happened to me......I just wanted a new beginning, a chance at some real happiness and fun when WHAM all these things came along! But it's ok cause I know all things happen for a reason and I will survive and be strong. I just needed to rant and rave abit cause I been holding it in.......feels good to write it all down!!!!

Well, I am going thru this thing with my guy and I am not sure if I am gonna stay with him or not. We both have issues and we are talking alot but I am gonna do alot of thinking and decide what I am gonna do. Sometimes you can love a person still BUT not be in love with them anymore and it's so unfair to stay with them that way. The feelings must be mutual or it really isn't an honest relationship. There are things that have come between us and we are gonna try to work on them BUT I just don't know if this relationship can be saved or not. I know some of it IS me and the ways I have changed since being sick. I just don't know if I can change the way I feel at this point or not. I just know that I am not completely happy anymore. So time will tell........

I pray you all are doing better.Take care and God bless everyone of you. I love you all and I know we all have alot of things we face everyday in our lives. Some of us are stronger and handle things well but even the strongest need a little help from time to time. I will go for now but am sending you all hugs and love from across the miles always.............................Doris

Yolanda Mia 1-12-07
Hello All! I was reading and had to reach out. If this all comes across incoherently, it's the fog that seems to have settled in for the long haul at this point, so bear with me.

Stefanie, I have been losing weight lately as weel, but not as drastic as yours. Mine has been due to stress of the past year with working, school, and two surgeries. I am one of those that needed the weightloss, so I'm not too upset. Unfortunately, I seem to be gaining it all back....hoping not. But, one thing I would suggest is talking to your doctor about all of this. My boss at work was having the same problem, there are so many factors that could be contributing to this weightloss. Don't let them give up, keep on them to find the answer. One of his problems was in his throat, there was an extra flap that trapped food and this irritated him enough to where he wouldn't eat as much.....that's not the only reason he lost, but it contributed. Something that might help is taking Brewer's Yeast, it's a B vitamin or even protein drinks can help. It helps those that have difficulty putting on weight. I would definately ask your doctor though on what he may suggest you do.

Doris, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm hoping that all works out. I know that you have went through this before, what helped last time? I wish you all the luck in your decision! But, I understand where you are coming from. There are people in my past that I have really cared about and loved, but it wasn't that kind of love where I want to marry them. They are hard to let go of though. I still talk with one of my exes b/c of the feelings. I know though, deep in my heart that it would never work out. But, he is still special to me and a great friend. If nothing else, I hope that the two of you can end that way, as friends.

Well, I'm probably not going to be on here as often as I normally tend to be, but I've been having problems getting my thoughts sorted to write about everything. Also, working on getting to Chicago next month. I am working a promotion next Friday for Nickelodeon. I took the day off my other job to do this. If I move to Chicago, there will be greater opportunities for this type of high profile work. In fact, the guy I've been in contact with says I'm one of his top picks for the Chicago area on any event. Because of all of my experience recently with promotions, and all my work in the entertainment field. I'm so excited! In fact, I'm looking for a job that works in this field that's more steady and full time. It's something I love to do.

I also found out some good news. My school has online courses now, and they are covered by financial aid. So, I don't have to quit school, and can continue for my bachelors degree if I move. It's a great relief to me to know that I have more options now. I still may change my major though, but still take the online classes to get that bachelors in business management. Then, all my other classes, when I switch majors, will be not as time consuming cause I'll have met some of the requirements already.

I hope everyone is doing well! I know this weather has us all a little "crazy" with pain, but hoping it lets up soon. Love ya all! Yoyo

Jennifer - January 13, 2007
January 13, 2007 I have been "diagnosed" by my family physician with Fibromyalgia. I have been desperately struggling the last couple of weeks. Can someone please help me find a doctor who can help me. I live in South Central Illinois in a very rural area. Thank You Jennifer

Stefanie-PA Sat. January 13, 2007
Jennifer I am so sorry that you have FMS. I also have it and many other things that seem to go along with Fibromyalgia. At least you have been diagnosed by a doctor. I took over 2 years and I saw over 20 doctors before I was diagnosed. I now see a team of doctors but the one that handles most of the Fibromyalgia problems is a Rheumatologist. Maybe you can call your insurance company and they would be able to give you a name of one near you or check online for one. Just make sure they have dealt and deal with FMS and any other problems you are having. Let me know if I can help in any other way. I have just found the WALL myself and the people here have been very helpful and kind. I hope you have a less painful weekend and good luck.

Bernadette Jan 14
Jennifer try www.co-cure.org they have a "good doctors list" for treating fibromyalgia and cfs. Hope this helps. But your family physician may be able to treat you as well. There is no "cure" for fibromyalgia but plenty of books and online information for how to live with it better. Doctors can help by prescribing medications which have been shown to help, primarily antidepressants, such as Cymbalta or Effexor, pain relievers such as Ultram, and, surprisingly, anticonvulsants such as Lyrica or Neurontin. According to the research I have read and pretty much what everyone says on here, these are the most effective medications. You and your doc might have to try a few to get the right combo since everyone is different and this is a very hard condition to treat.

In my experience, the only reason I really have a doc and the only help he really gives me is that he has the power to write prescriptions. Often I have known as much about the medications and the condition as he does, and have even requested that we try certain ones. Luckily, he is very willing to work with me. The rest of my treatment; exercise, nutrition, finding support, and dealing with the psychological issues and life changes related to having a chronic illness have been up to me. Educate and empower yourself.

Maybe there is a curve to having this illness. The first couple of years before I was diagnosed were awful. I knew something was the matter but my family and different doctors I went to didn't really help, or even believe me. I was angry, depressed, my relationship was a mess and oh I hurt! Once I got diagnosed, at least my condition was validated. Then I spent a couple of years trying to find a cure that would bring me back to how I was before.

I've lived with my condition for four years now. I feel that I have pretty much discovered all that I can to help me with my illness. I have found the right medications. I have an exercise routine, good nutrition, etc.etc. You know what? I am not who I used to be. I am as better as I think I can get, and it is a lot better, but I am still a limited person, or a disabled person if you will. I can do about half of what I used to, of what a "regular" person can do. If I try to do more, I either hit a wall of fatigue and shut down completely, or am plunged into pain that renders me useless. At this phase of my illness, I am looking at what it is going to mean to live the rest of my life this way. I am adjusting to the new me.The new me cannot keep up with the other moms.The new me cannot contribute more to the household income.The new me cannot be the superstar and has to be happy with "good enough" instead of excellence. I had hopes and plans of what I could do with my life, and the spirit is willing but the flesh is definitely not cooperating. My marriage is under stress because my husband is now looking at me being another dependent for the rest of his life when he married someone who liked to work and was going to help carry the load. I am worried about being left alone and how I am going to provide for myself. If I apply for disability, I am eligible for $675 a month. I am capable of part time work still and can make about that much a month, so I have chosen to still work because it is good for me. I have contributed to my marital problems by being angry and resentful about being a dependent. So who wants to help someone who resents being helped? Anyway, this illness is definitely humbling.

Stefanie, Doris, and everyone else on here who shares about their struggles in coming to terms with this illness, I thank you. I do know that although we vent on here, we are not having pity parties and are trying to look towards the light and live in gratitude as well. It does help to read about each others journeys. God bless.

Cari K 1-14-07
Cari K. 1-14-07 TO Stephanie of Pa. See? I knew you were a caring person or you wouldn't have written back to help the next person.And don't worry about whay others think when it comes to your weight loss.I too heard the smirks and "gee,I wish my meds would do that for me".The only thing you can do is to keep checking off things that may be causing it.I myself didn't weigh but 105lbs.and my daughter does too.Only she doesn't have fms.They think hers is a thyroid problem.But she is 32yrs. old and has three kids.And I too understand about the fibro fog.Some days it's so hard to concentrate.But this is all "normal" for us.Please keep coming back.And you never know when your letter will be the one to help someone new.Try to have a good week,gentle, warm hugs,Cari K.

barbara hughston 1/15/2007
Monday January 15, 2007 barb I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia myself. I believe I've had it since a child. My whole life has changed. I have three children, I hate not being able to do what they would like to do. I'm always tired and hurting. The day before Thanksgiving I was written up, for making filing errors. I would catch alot of my own errors. I would think what is wrong with me. I have a hard time concentrating. My boss would tell me to do something, and I would really forget. Well do to this being my second write up, it put me really into a deeper depression. I took a month of LOA, after the month I didn't return. I felt that they didn't believe that I was truly in pain. They would comment and say that I didn't need my medicines. I was even told to check into a breast reduction for the pain in my back. I was taken back on that comment. Right now i'm trying to get over the anger i feel inside. Where shall my life lead me next. I feel lost. I know my family is tired of hearing me say I hurt. Right now i'm trying for disability. You know that word disability scares me. I know i must take time for myself and heal. I used to love crocheting but now i can't even concentrate on that. It hurts my head just trying to think. What a life we have. I just want my pain to be gone.

Well I'll stop now. I'm glad I found this site.

barbara 1/15/2007
Monday January 15, 2007 I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia myself. I believe I've had it since a child. My whole life has changed. I have three children, I hate not being able to do what they would like to do. I'm always tired and hurting. The day before Thanksgiving I was written up, for making filing errors. I would catch alot of my own errors. I would think what is wrong with me. I have a hard time concentrating. My boss would tell me to do something, and I would really forget. Well do to this being my second write up, it put me really into a deeper depression. I took a month of LOA, after the month I didn't return. I felt that they didn't believe that I was truly in pain. They would comment and say that I didn't need my medicines. I was even told to check into a breast reduction for the pain in my back. I was taken back on that comment. Right now i'm trying to get over the anger i feel inside. Where shall my life lead me next. I feel lost. I know my family is tired of hearing me say I hurt. Right now i'm trying for disability. You know that word disability scares me. I know i must take time for myself and heal. I used to love crocheting but now i can't even concentrate on that. It hurts my head just trying to think. What a life we have. I just want my pain to be gone.

Well I'll stop now. I'm glad I found this site.

Doris 1/15/07
Hello friends, Good morning to all. I feel lousy but did read the posts and Bernadette you always seem to know what to say. I did go on disability and it's not alot of money but I just can't work with all these problems I have. It's hard to accept so many things that change when you get sick like this. I have found that it has really put an impact on my relationship with Jason and that is why I have chosen to move on and just be friends with him. It's not fair to him. He is not real happy about my choice but I told him my feelings are not the same as his. I knew I couldn't go on this way. But we have called a truce and we are friends and will be there should one of us need the other. Such a good way to part. I feel good about that.

Barbara,hang in there honey. We all change once we become sick and it's thru no fault of ours ,it just happens. You will have to learn to accept what you can and cannot do. Be thankful for all the good things in your life and take things one day at a time. Rest when you are tired. Stay home when you feel bad. If people don't believe you really hurt, that's their problem....not yours! They don't know how you feel unless they have walked in your shoes for a day and I daresay they haven't done that!!! ONLY YOU know how you feel and ONLY YOU can take care of YOU!!! We all know that tired rundown feeling cause honey we live it all the time. I must tell you though NEVER GIVE UP!!!! We are too blessed to be stressed........think of all the people dying with cancer,aids,etc and then you will see we are truly blessed!!!! Everyday we wake up is a miracle! God bless you honey and I hope you are feeling better! Smiles and hugs to all my wonderful friends on here from across the many miles......Love ya,D

Stefanie-PA Monday, Jan 15th
Hello everyone
I hope everyone is having a less painful day.
I wanted to leave a note for BARBARA- I know how you feel about having to stop working. I just posted about that; I too was making errors on my job and was not happy when they were pointed out to me because I took so much pride in my work and I knew I always did it well. I was asked to take some time off to find out what was wrong with me; which I did reluctingly. Of course I never was able to go back to work and was diagnosed about 2 years after that. I did just want to mention if you do file for Disability thru Social Security it is a good idea to higher an attorney; I learned the hard way you can't do it on your own. It took me 2 years to be denied, then I filed for an appeal and then hired an attorney; I worked backwards on that one (not too smart). Thank goodness she is an awesome attorney and I was just at my hearing in December and the judge found in my favor at the hearing. It was a long and stressful time which probably could have been avoided if I had highered her first. I was at the point of loosing my home if I did not get this. If I only knew then what a hard process it was I would have hired an attorney right away. Anyway, if you have any questions let me know but I think many of the people on the Wall have been in the same situation regarding your job. It is not your fault everything changes when the Fibromyalgia decides to show itself.
Hang in there and everyone on the Wall is very helpful and understands what we are going thru. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good week and I feel better trying to help others here as much as I can. Thanks again

Yolanda Mia 1-15-07
Hello All! I am having problems with my job as well. I am not as on top of thigs as I used to be and am so frustrated. I get highly irritable b/c of the crap they throw at me, always last minute. Today I was reprimanded again, as I was a year ago, for my behavior and attitude. I try to tell them that I tired all the time, which makes things frustrating, but they don't care. I'm looking for a new job, and something I would enjoy. I think another reason for my problems at work is that I HATE my job. I truly dread getting up and going everyday. I have learned the jobs I like are the promotion that I do as part time, so I'm looking into getting a job in that area, and looking in Chicago area b/c I hate where I live. And, with the issues with my roommate, who's still not helping with the bills, I need to get out before I go insane. I would rather live alone than like this. He isn't hardly bothering to take steps to help. I've put up with it for way too long, and it's affecting my health, job, life. I know if I don't get out of this place, I'll never be happy. Love ya all! Yoyo

Barb(Pa) 1/16/07
Hi FM'ily, I'm sitting in Quincy,Fl today enjoying the warmer temps and waiting to load for Phoenix,Az. It was so warm yesterday we had the AC on,but I'm feeling the changing weather today.

Richard I'll be coming your way again,but I'll probably be there over the weekend.

Not much to talk about today,nothing new or exciting going on yet.

Welcome to the newbies and warm gentle hugs to everyone.

Cheryl R 1/16/07
Cheryl R 1/16/07 Hello everyone, I read even if I don't write. I'm having back pain this evening yet it's ok. I like what I read- it's better to be blessed that stressed. Thanks Cheryl R

Richard in Tucson January 17
Hi everyone, I can't believe it is Wed. already. I just wanted to drop by to post this short contribution, for what it is worth. I understand what you feel Stefanie-PA I struggle with weight gain, with fibromyalgia There seems to exist a metabolic disorder that contributes to either weight gain, or lose of wieght, and yes some of the meds. we take affect this as well. You have come to the right place for support keep coming back.
Juanita: Thank you for being here, I always love to hear from you too.
I must end my post because I have to go for Nicole now at her bus stop. Take care Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson....

Barb(Pa) 1/17/07
Hi FM'ily, It is COLD here in Florida !!! I about froze my buns off lastnight.I can't believe every time I come down here it rains or is cold. I hope we don't run into any bad roads on our way across Texas,I heard I-10 was closed down for 300 miles.

Richard,you need to slow down and rest...you are forever on the go.

Welcome any newbies I might have missed and warm fuzzy hugs to everyone.

Hey Bonnie where are you,are you doing ok??????

Richard in Tucson January 18, 2007
Good Thursday Morning to you all. I thought since I did not finish my post yesterday, I would give it another chance.
Barb(Pa): I do wish I could take your advice to slow down, I have so many responsabilities, and there just is not enough time or energy in my life to do it all. I have tried to pace myself, and get done as many tasks as I can do with out burning out. I tend to put things off too long and they just pile up faster than I can accomplish them. Thanks for your concern. I wish you were passing thru Tucson Today, I would love to have a chance to meet and have lunch together or something. The weekends are nuts for me when my family is home. Every week-end we have a birthday party to go to or something. This Saturday We are hosting our Nephew's B-day party here at our house. I pray for you to have a safe trip.
Doris: I always enjoy reading your posts. We all have become diffierent people with this Illness. You are not a bad person, you are special to us, please know that we care. Rant and rave when ever you need to. God bless you.
Yolanda Mia: I feel for you, and understand how you must feel with your frustration of your Job. I used to love my Job as an Airplane Mechanic, but since the CFS and Fibro. I could no longer do it. I pray that you find more of the kind of work you enjoy doing. I hope you find a great supportive romate and live in the kind of place you can feel happy in, you deserve the best. Congratulations on your progress your schooling objectives, so glad to read about the online courses you can take to accoplish your goals.
I wish all the rest here a wonderful day and week-end, please know that you are in my thoughts & prayers even if I can't address all your concerns as of now. "Warm Welcome to the Newbies, Keep coming back here to your friends at the Wall" Take care Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson..

barb
barb(GA)I do enjoy reading all of your posts. It makes me feel that I'm not alone. I sit here in my home, I don't even want to go out anymore. I have quit my job before they could fire me. I hate being in pain. I don't know how ya'll can do it. I do take meds, but after awhile they no longer work. Doctors keep changing them. My family live in upstate NY. I only have my children, twins 17, daughter 14, and my husband. I can tell they are frustrated. I don't even let them know how am anymore. I do wish the weather would get warmer. The cold hurts bad. I have to go. Typing really hurts. please keep writing at least i know someone is out there that understands thanks!!

Jaime 1/18/07
Hi Fm'ily, The last 12 days have been so rough. Last Sunday night my dad called to tell me that my grandmother was dying. So the next morning my husband and I went to see her, and by Tuesday night at 9:40pm she passed away. This past Monday we buried her. I have been taking it very hard, it just doesnt seem real. I keep thinking if i just go back to the hospital or to the nursing home where we had her transfered too that I would see her, and she would be fine. I still feel like i am in a complete fog. Sleeping comes in a few hour bits, not eating a whole lot, and just so sad. I miss her so much, and am worried that i'll end up in a fibro flare. I'm trying to do what i can to take care of myself, and I am so tired of being tired and also tired of crying so much. I know my mommom is in the Lord's arms and is alive and okay, I just wish I could hug her and be with her so much. I miss her so badly. Except for when I lost my babies (miscarriages), I have not had my heart break this badly. Any suggestions on how to deal with this terrible grief? Please help. Many hugs to all of you.

Barb(Pa) 1/19/07
Hi FM'ily Jaime,so sorry for your loss. I was also very close to my Grandmothers and their passing has left a hole in my heart.

I am sitting in San Antinio tonight and it is chilly and wet here. I hear the roads are expected to get bad again tomorrow so I will drive as long as I can tonight and maybe get past the bad weather.

Gotta run for now have lots of miles to travel. Gentle hugs to everyone and welcome to the newbies.

Doris 1/20/07
Hey everybody....just checking in again. JAIME, I am so sorry for your loss honey. Time is the only thing that will help you heal and I found that out when I loss my dad in 2002. We were very close and I thought I would die as well but I didn't and in time I got past the grieving but miss him so much still today. Just know that she isn't suffering anymore and her soul is at peace now. Always remember that she will live forever in your heart where her memory is alive within you. God bless you honey and just give it time and you will see that I am right.

Now on another subject, I am still living with Jason but I have applied for an apartment of my own. I am waiting for all the paperwork to go thru and then the lady will be in touch with me. I just feel like this is something I have to do and want to do for myself. I feel like I have been searching for something and maybe this is the answer....my independence. Maybe I need that to be the person I want to be. I feel like I have been stuck in limbo for so long, trying to find what I was looking for and really didn't know what it was until now. Maybe I am just needing to show myself that I can be an independent woman and I just want "my own space" and "time" for me now that I have raised my kids and am divorced. Could be I am feeling tied down once again.....too soon after the divorce. Whatever it is, I just know I want to do this and I feel good about it. Oh sure I am some uncertain about the future and I get a little nervous thinking about being on my own but I know I can do it and that's what counts the most. I will be ok I am sure.....I just have to keep my faith and trust in my almighty Friend above and I know He will always walk beside me! OK friends, have a great day and take care.....hugs and smiles from across the miles ........love you all.......God bless..............Doris

Lavendar
Hi, my name is lavendar. I've just reached my mid 20's have a small toddler. I've had symptoms the majority of my life but it was never connected to FMS finally a little over a year ago it became so bad that I couldn't work any longer, so I've spent the past year seeing every doctor under the sun to get an answer finally they connected it. It's still possible that there is a nerological disorder that is also contributing. But I've found it very hard, to adjust. I'm used to pushing being active doing whatever I choose. I had to give up my home and move back into my father's home so that there would be someone who could do the things with my child that I can no longer do, play outside, ride bikes. I've also have severe muscle spasms that come without warning so even on medication I can no longer drive. Because of this I feel like I've become trapped, I can't go anywhere on my own even shopping has to be done with someone else. It shames me honestly to have to rely on my family for a home and financial support. There are some positives, I do get to spend a lot of time with my child even if it's not playing outside and such. I decided to take up my hobby as a career after the advice of many, many people so I am working on the first of three novels. Still I find it hard to know my limits, to ask for help, to refrain from doing things I've been doing my whole life. Yesterday, for example I fell, it wasn't a bad fall at least not for someone without FMS. A simple trip I landed on hands and knees nothing seemed hurt but a few hours later I had bruises that went down to the bone in several spots, they are small barely the size of a quarter but the entire area is effected. I don't know if I'm odd or this is normal. I haven't found many people up till now to talk too. Any tips on housework, my father is a firm believer that women are in charge of cooking and cleaning, my having FMS doesn't change the responsiblity. Any advice on things I can do with my child that will allow me to participate would be really great. Thanks a head of time for being here.

Cai K 1-21-07
Cari K. 1-21-07 To Lavendar,welcome to the Wall.I am so sorry you are here.(You know what I mean)I too am very clumbsy and often trip and fall.My family calls me clumbsy but we all know it's the fibro.And like you,I have to do the womens work here at home.As well as work a full time job. What I do is to break it down to little things a little at a time. And then the big stuff,I usually have to break down and ask my daughter or grandaughter for help with.Don't be ashamed to ask for help.Even my husband has learned to do laundry! And that was a big ordeal for him for sure.As long as it gets done.Did you know that there are laundries that will do your clothes for a small price? Maybe this is something to look into. Or in my community,we have Amish women who will come and clean your house for a very small fee once or twice a week.It sounds like this is something you could use.I think it would be worth it in your situation.I don't know your money situation,other than you live with your father,but 30 or 40 dollars a week is about all they charge.I know that is alot to most people but when you can't get around to do this stuff,it's a lifesaver.Even if you only get someone to come in once a month to do the big stuff,it will help.Well,enough from me, Keep coming back.The people here are the greatest! Gentle hugs,Cari K.

Bernadette Jan 21
Lavendar the biggest thing for me is alternating work with rest. I will set my kitchen timer for 15 minutes and work slowly, then when it goes off, I will make myself rest on the couch reading, watching a program or talking on the phone or a game with my son for half an hour. The only meal I "cook" is dinner and I have given up being a gourmet. I use a lot of recipes with canned soup. You can get them off the Campbells website. Soup or gravy mix in envelopes are helpful too. Pot pie with the crust that you unfold is a big hit at my house . Rottiserie chickens (precooked at the grocery store) are a life saver.The rest of the meals we just eat fruit, salad, whole wheat toast or crackers, yogurt, nuts, oatmeal and vitamins. It keeps things simple and keeps us healthy.

Well guys, I am on day two of no nicotine gum. My husband quit smoking three weeks ago, so I feel safer getting off of my several year habit now. This was one of my resolutions for the year so wish me luck. I was hoping it would help me with my fibro symptoms and so far the only thing different I have noticed is that I am crankier and more restless-but my symptoms are the same. Oh well, at least I am saving money and I can say that I am doing absolutely everything I can for my health (OK, OK but I am NOT ready to give up coffee!)

lavendar January 21 2007
Cai K, Bernadette, thank you so much for the advice. I want so much to work, after I had my son I used work as a vacation. I know it sounds weird but as active as my son is my job was much much easier. Unfortunately the severity of my condition has prevented me from working for more than a year now, so I'm totally financially dependant on my father. There are funds I should be getting for my son's care..they haven't been sent in almost a year. Because I was looking into to maid services, unforunately we don't have any amish in our area, I wish we did, my mother's family is minanite there are a lot of similarities. I even looked into grocery services but as tight as things are I simply can't afford the extra expense. I have to say as a writer, which is my current career, unfortunately it makes nothing unless you get published; I'm tempted to write something on what it's really like to be struck with FMS. If nothing else to increase awareness of what it's really like. Any thoughts?

Kathy Benton LA1/21/07
I found this “wall” from a link at fmaware.org…I don’t have a lot of time at the moment but I wanted to say just a couple of things to start off…with Fibro it is important to have knowledge about it…I was diagnosed over ten years ago but did not know what it was…I had a hysterectomy because I had fibroid tumors, I have fibrocystic breast disease, a lot of fibro stuff so when the Dr. said Fibromyalgia I just figured it had something to do with all that…well, when we moved back to LA and I got a computer I key worded my diagnoses of degenerative disc disease (upper and lower spine), Osteoarthritis, Osteopenia, etc…I found a page and chart by Dr. Daniel Malone and it really opened my eyes…when I went to the Rheumy I tested positive for every tender point (I was in what they call a flair)…stress is a big factor with FM, but it is not the only thing…I have since learned from Dr. Patrick Wood that the brain and spine has a lot to do with this too…so much is being learned about FM now…I want to let Y’all know that there is hope…when people say I suffer with FM I say, no I live with FM! When I looked at Dr. Malone’s chart my first thought was “well, that explains a lot”…Richard just from reading what you have posted it seems that you have chronic fatigue syndrome…and the lady that posted that FM is not considered a disability…I know that Social Security recognizes FM and will pay disability but they will always turn you down the first time and most people get a lawyer and get it…anyway…just wanted to give Y’all some hope…you have my compassion and I'll share my knowledge as needed...Kathy Fibromylgia Symptoms of Taken from chart of Daniel Malone MD Cognitive dysfunction Difficulty calculating Shin pain Poor stress tolerance Achiness TMJ Anorgasmia Severe daytime somnolence Low self esteem Dyslexia Tingling sensations in extremities Foot pain Frequent prolonged infections Cold intolerance PMS Low/absent libido Severe daytime fatigue Short-term memory loss Feelings of swelling in extremities Low back pain Hair loss Weight gain Multiple chemical sensitivities Food craving (sweet, DHO, salt) Sleep disturbance Trouble finding words Substance abuse/ addictive Hand pain Blurred vision Irritable bowel/bladder Rashes (eczema, rosacea) Migraines Low Motivations Difficulty Concentrating OCD Poor endurance Winter worsening of symptoms Bruxism Allergies Non-restorative sleep Depression

Kathy Benton LA 1/21/07
Kathy Benton LA 1/21/07 again...after I posted I went back and realized that posts are in descending (?) order...posting at times may seem cold and can't really convey the feelings you really feel but in browsing I found Y’all to be very caring and compassionate…I’m going now…my crunch neck is giving me a headache…oh and…artificial sweeteners are “poison” in my book…catch you gators, later!

Richard in Tucson January 22
Hi everyone, I sure have missed everyone.
This weekend was a crazy one for me. We had a "B" Day party for our Nephew, too much stress for me. I am exhausted, Today my kids are home from school because of a snow day off of school. I was going to go to the gym, but now everything has changed.
Welcome to the Newbies. Lavendar: You have a beautiful name, I want you to know we all care for you. Please keep coming back here to the wall.
Kathy Benton: Yes my Original Diagnoses was CFIDS, but than I got the Tenderpoints in 2001, I did not argue with my Doctor, the fibro Diagnoses got me my SSDI won. I due have the pains of fibro and most of the symptoms, but for me the Fatigue and not being able to sleep without drugging myself for at least ten years now, this has been the worst part of this illness I have. I am so glad you are so observant, I feel we need this kind of help here. Keep coming back to the wall. We can help eachother greatly. Please know I understand what you are going thru, you have found a wonderful group of people here.
I hope to be back on the wall Thursday, please come back. Until then know I will be back as I can, Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson..

Barb(Pa) 1/22/07
Hi FM'ily, Sorry to hear you had a change of plans for today Richard, I heard that storm was heading your way so we got through before it hit. I can't believe snow and drenching rain out here on the desert. I am in Eloy,Az right now and lastnight we had snow,rain and sleet and it went down into the 30's.This weather has me in alot of pain.

Welcome to the newbies and thanks for the info Kathy,the more we learn the better off we are.

Tomorow morning we will deliver in Phoenix and then its off to Fontana,Ca. to wait for a load.Jaime,hope the pain from your loss is getting less.As long as you have memories your Grandmother will always be in your mind and heart.Gotta go for now,sending gentle warm hugs to everyone.

Barb (GA) Tuesday January 23, 2007
Barb (GA), Well it is almost 3:00am, I can't sleep, nothing new. Thanks Kathy for the info. I have all those symptoms. I was wondering if any of you have herniations in your back. When kathy you talked about FM being involved with the spine and brain-could that explain all of my herniations that I have. My herniations were found in 1992, and my FM became full blown just this year. Yes i always had sensitivity to touch, or walking up a hill, or riding a bike, my legs would cramp. Parents took me to so many doctors as a child. alot of them would say I must have pulled a muscle. But now someone could just slightly rub up against me and that even hurts. My doctor did tell me that FM was a brain disorder, I was just curious about the back. I see a new psychiatrist thursday. Due to new insurance i had to switch. So now i have to give the info all over again. I just want him to give me something where i do not have to feel at all. Last psychiatrist i only saw twice, just started seeing him in December. Gave me stratterra for my ADD which i just developed. That medicine made me extremely sick. So hopefully this doctor will just treat me for my FM, I'm not working now, so i figure i can be a little airheaded. I do enjoy reading all of your posts. I'm trying to get to know a little about each one of you. Next time i'm going to have to print your messages, i forget names to easy.Well i hope ya'll were able to sleep better than myself. talk with ya'll later.

Doris 1/23/07
Good morning friends. Here I am once again....I had a bad night with the restless legs which seem to be really getting worse lately. I think the dr. needs to up my dosage of Lyrica or give me something stronger altogether. I also wake up with a headache every morning but I think maybe thats from stress right now. It goes away soon after I get up. Plus my right foot has been bothering me alot when I walk much on it. Not sure what's up with that. The dr. had to up my synthroid meds. from 150mcg. to 175mcg. last week. Also just got thru taking an antibiotic for infection in salivary glands......geez I get all kinds of stuff!!!!! Well when it rains,it pours ya know.

I am kinda in a stressful time right now but holding up well I think. I am waiting to hear news on an apartment I applied for. I am moving out for sure UNLESS I see it is financially impossible. I don't know any of the costs until the lady gets back up with me which I hope is this week or next. I do know that it is income-based and you get some type of discount for being on disability so surely that will be a big plus. Just keep your fingers crossed for me everyone. Have a good day all and God bless. JAIME,I hope you are feeling better and I have been thinking of you lately. Take care all and hugs and smiles across the miles from me to you...............................Doris

Stefanie-PA, Tues. Jan. 23rd
Hello everyone I was just reading the new postings; I try to check every day or so to see what's going on with everyone.
I just got back from one of my doctors I needed a couple of scripts. for the medications I take that he handles. I talked to him about some breathing problems I have been having for a couple of days now. I don't have chest pain but it is uncomfortable and my lungs feel heavy. I though maybe my blood pressure was too low, but it was not. He said maybe the change in the weather (cold and wet)and my FMS, CFS is the problem. I don't know everyday seems to be a new adventure with my body.
Anyway, I wanted to respond to Barb (GA)- I also have herniated discs in my back; that is what seemed to have brought out my FMS. I was doing yard work about 3 years ago; by the time I was done I was having stabbing pains in the middle of my back and going around my ribs. I did find out that I had 3 herniated discs in thoracic spine which no doctor wanted to touch. I also have many bulging discs throughout my spine and degenerative disc disorder. About 3 months after that is when all heck broke lose in my body. I also have had many TMJ problems in the past. My jaw was locked for about 4 years until I found a doctor who knew what he was doing and had 5 surgeries on my jaw.So when this craziness started after hurting my back and going from doctor to doctor I felt the same way as when my jaw was locked. I had doctors tell me it was all in my head and nothing was wrong and so on.
Now looking back to when I was younger I think I may have had this FMS then just not as bad. I am also seeing the signs in my daughter who is 11 and it is scaring me terribly.I feel so bad for her I wish there was something else I could do for her. She is having so many health problems and it seems I am at the hospital with her getting tested weekly. That also knocks me out; I have to drive about 30 minutes from PA to DE to the hospital she goes to and back. It took me about 3 days to recover from the trip last week, and we have another appointment scheduled for next week (woo,hoo!!)
Anyway, I will go now and hopefully some of this info has helped someone. Thanks for listening and I hope everyone has a less painful day.
Stefanie-PA

virginia
It's me Virginia i have not been on here in a while. But does anyone live in Oklahoma that could tell me a good Dr. I live in Bristow Ok. Any one just suffer from constant pulled muscle's muscle spasm's seem to come to me easy and it is very frustrating. let me know thank's Virginia

cheryl r 1/23/07
Cheryl R1/23/07 Hello again, I've been reading each post and a lot is going on. Life with FM goes that way and life in general. It's about 8yrs I deal with this and was told I won't die from it just need to learn to live with it. Reading & talking with others I've learned a lot. Lack of info keeps me in the dark. So much has helped yet it never goes away just there to remind me it's around. Today was very hard - a true flair-up. Started last nite with a headache. I put ice on my neck at the back of the skull and it seemed to help along with massaging the neck that was hard as a rock.(This is usually the case with my neck) Today I woke up tired but went to a mtg where I get my mind straight emotionally & mentally. Later to Curves and began to feel more tiredness. Went home to do a walk I've been trying to get in once a week. A walk without my dogs so speed the steps up. Haven't been able to do this in yrs so this is a biggy. I go about 40mins. Two walks now. Hope to continue. I have found exercise to be a big help & perservere even when I don't want to for I know the benefits. When I came home I felt tired in my back so I layed down awhile. That went and than I ate. My stomach started acting up. Felt sick. I believe sometimes this thing is alive & it moves around from one place to another till it goes. And it did after anti-acid and ginger ale. Like a storm blowing in and then it blows out. Sometimes feels like a tornado. I too was x-rayed to show bone degeneration. Spurs & arthiritis. I want to keep my muscles going and fit to deal with these conditions. I believe in doing and breaking for rests. Also keeping stress at a minimum as much as possible. It does play a factor for me. Keeping connected to God also. My friends I get with help to keep my mind on others and other things. I like to do crafts and various creative things for a fun past time. My attitude is important so pain has no gain in my thoughts. That is to get my focus to get me depressed(which it will do if I don't watch). I read someone mentioning tripping and this I do. I have been doing since I'm this way and sometimes I get angry at it. It makes me feel my cordination is off and I am than out of control. This I need to continue to have compassion for myself and not anger. It's an acceptance thing so to not stress me out. There are a lot of times I'm not tripping so this keeps a balance of the bigh picture. Well my back aches when I type too long. It's good to know and hear of you all b/c that keeps me sane knowing I'm not alone - it's not in my mind. Cheryl R

Barb (GA) Wednesday January 24, 2007
Barb (GA)Cheryl R. I read your post. I did water arobics for awhile, untill my knees started to do me in. I have hypermobility syndrome on top of the fibro. Your neck problems are exactly like mine. I'll sit at night, and place an ice pack and use one of massagers that have the infra red heat. But i end up trying to go to bed with the ice pack, alot of bengay. I remember not to long ago, I'd be walking down the hall of the hospital where I did work. And all of a sudden I would trip, it's like there was a little mound or something placed there. It was embarrassing. Well it is 4:42 am. I'm going to try to get some sleep. Ill take another flexeril. thanks to everyone on the post it helps to have someone to relate to.

Bernadette Jan 24
Cheryl thanks for your post. I like to hear about someone else out there with this who is walking and lifting weights. I just started an at home weight program from a book called "Strong Women Stay Young". So far, it has not hurt me too much like other programs I have tried. And I walk my dog at least a mile each day and do yoga. It helps me to think I am doing all I can. On the days I work though, I don't have the energy to do this extra stuff. Speaking of which-there goes my phone. It is probably someone wanting me to substitute teach this morning. (sshh I'm ignoring it, which I never do. Just not feeling up to it today).

I don't seem to have a lot of the same symptoms so many of you suffer from. I have constant all over muscular pain and concentrated pain in my hips, wrists, hands and shoulders (OK it moves around, it pretty much will hit every area at some point).I definitely struggle with fatigue.I used to have mild depression and anxiety, but the Effexor takes care of that. But all the other stuff, the fog, the tripping, the IBS, I just don't have (knock on wood). Just wanted to let people know that you can still have fibromyalgia even if you don't have all of the other symptoms. Anyway, it is time to wake my son for school and then drive through in the dark through piles of fresh snow for half an hour to take him to school. This is my morning routine up here in Alaska. But life up here is worth it. I see bald eagles on a regular basis on my walks. Maybe they're checking out my dog for a potential snack! Have a great day everyone!

Yolanda Mia 1-24-07
Hello All! I've been unable to get on here much and have some catching up to do. I was in Chicago all day Friday. I had an interview and a promotion to work. Realized why it's called the Windy City, I froze my a@@ off. The promotion I worked was outside all afternoon and evening. We were promoting a new Nickelodeon show and passing out CD's. I thought I was prepared, but the wind cuts through every layer you have on. I was supposed to look at apartments, but I got lost and spent the time before my interview just trying to get my bearings. It'll be quite the adjustment when I move there. I worked more promtions all weekend, thank goodness the rest were indoors. Then on Monday I called in sick to work b/c I was given a second interview at the place I interviewed on Friday. It seems like a great job. The beginning will be tough b/c I have to be outside, but that's only for a few months and then I work my way up. They are putting me through an aggressive advancement process, and learn the work from the bottom up. In one year I will have my own office, staff and account to run. I'm excited for it all. I'm still cold from being outside all of Friday and Monday (the 2nd interview was a job shadow), but working on getting warm. It's wreaked havoc on my FM though. I'm in so much pain from all the weather and walking. I hope I can survive this part of the job to advance to the job I want. I was very surprised when I was offered the job on Monday b/c I was told they had a three step interview process, but I only had to do 2 of the interviews. Here soon I'll be putting in my 2 weeks notice and then dropping out of school and looking for a place to move. I'm excited, but also stressed....lol. I'm changing so many things in my life at once, and it's a little intimidating, but it'll all be worth it.

Jaime, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We are hear for you! I know it's rough when losing your grandparents. My grandmother died over 9 years ago, and she was like a mother to me. It's still rough.

Lavendar, welcome! I'm sorry to hear that you are having such difficulty. I know it's hard being so young and coming up against this. I was just diagnosed a couple years back at the age of 24, and it was like someone pulled the rug out from under me saying, "Your life is over before it's began." I'm striving to fight against it b/c I don't like being dependent on others, another thing we all struggle with. We are here for you! Also, on your writing career, you should look into Lulu.com, they are a print on demand sevice. They take the orders and do all the work for you once the book is ready for print. Then, you choose a cost that will cover their expense and give you some profit. This is a great site for those that aren't signed with a publishing company but want their work out there. You won't make a lot of money at first, but it will generate some buzz. In fact, I'm going to use that once I finish my book. I'm also hoping to release another book near Halloween through my entertainment company I started. It'll be a compilation of short stories of writers that I'm signing. It'll be a chance to get their name out there, and hopefully get them picked up by a publisher, unless I get a publishing company established before then, so they'll sign with me. :D

Welcome to all Newbies that I haven't had a change to welcome yet!

Cari K., I find it interesting about the Amish community in your area. Around where I live, they are not allowed to charge for any services, they can only accept donations. They work on a system of helping anyone in need, and never for profit. Goes to show that all religions are different by region, not only divination.

Doris, hope everything goes well for you! We are here for you!

Bernadette, Congrats! Hang in there, it may take awhile to notice the difference b/c there is so much nicotine in your system, plus you are still on nicotine gum, I think that's the thing that will make a difference when you quit it all. You will probably notice the difference after you lose the nicotine from your system. My thoughts are with you.

Kathy, welcome and thanks for the info. As I was reading the list, I kept saying to myself, "I have that, that, that....." None of the docs I've talked to have really asked about all those other things. It does show me why I have some of the issues I do that've never been identified as anything. Some of those things you listed, my docs have never attributed to fibro.

To all those taking Lyrica, please talk to your docs. I received an e-mail yesterday that updates me on meds and there was a thing in it about Lyrica not being a good drug to take, they are finding things wrong with it. I can't quite remember the site, something like Worst Pills......., I'll try to find it and post the site URL later today.

Well, going for now, it's almost my lunch time and I should be working, but I missed everyone and needed to catch up. Love ya all! Yoyo

Richard in Tucson January 24
Good Wed. Afternoon to you all. I thought I would post just a short note here to let you know how much I miss being here. This week has been real hard for me in terms of me not having my much needed down time.
Family life and trying to go to the gym and exercise, as well as trying to help my parents, my dad allways gets involved in several projects more than he can handle then he calls me to help, and I have a hard time saying no. I will be helping him the next two days. I hope to be back here next week.
Have a wonderful painfree week-end.
Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson...

Lee Ann/MI 01/24/07
Hi, everyone! I know its been a while since I posted but I have been reading the postings often. I am still in limbo on the SS disability but I have other things that have fallen into place for now. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and because I took in information from this site and other fibro sites I was able to help the doctor see that adjustments needed to be made to the prescriptions I was taking. I am so excited because I am no longer taking three of my meds. Also, because I am not in such direct pressure from a job, I no longer need to take my diabetes II meds. I dropped from 7.1 to 6.3. I knew that job was toxic to me and I sure am seeing the results! I do have one question I would like to throw out to everyone. Does anyone else have times where their skin and muscles are very sensitive? I go through times where it is very hard to sit or have any pressures on parts of my body from clothes. I usually end up wearing only very loose fitting clothes at those times. I find that I cannot get comfortable and so then I get restless. Of course, I can't stay on my feet for any length of time either. When I have these times I notice that I am very sensitive to anything that brushes against me and sometimes it will cause twinges of pain. I'm just wondering if any of you have had this happen also. If not, I will definitely talk to my doctor about it. It also plays into my insomnia because I can't get comfortable. Welcome to all the newbies. I am sorry I haven't posted a greeting before this. Richard..it is so good to see you are back posting. I had the feeling that you were spreading yourself too thin. Keep in mind that there are a lot of people here who are concerned about you. Doris..good luck in getting the apartment for yourself. Yolanda Mia...It sounds like maybe things are starting to happen for you. Pace yourself and keep your goals in front of you. Barb/PA...I hope you made it home safely after all the bad weather. Jaimie...I feel for you. When I lost my grandmother I felt the world ended. She was everything to me and my good friend. Keep the good memories close and know that you were loved. It is really hard but you will get through this also. Come to us if you need us to give you a hand up. Bernadette...Its so good to hear that you are surviving the Alaskan winter. Keep looking ahead and don't let the season get you down. Peace to all....

rachel 1-24-07
hello everyone its rachel.i have been away since november,i was extremely sick and it has taken this long to get back on my feet.i am trying to find a link to my fibro and ptsd? if anyone has so info please let me know. i have since then been diagnosed with cfs and was exetremely ill. my immune system was also on the fritz and they gave me meds to build it up,and they worked. i hope all have been well.stay well.

rachel 1-24-07
hi its rachel again.-Bernadette-[dec.11 posting] thank you so much for the advice. my husband is very abusive and thats why i wanted my divorce. he still won't grant the divorce.my daughter is taking everything very well.and since then i have found someone who is very good to me. and i have known him for 2 years. and i did not aproach him he was the first to say something, and he loves my little girl so there are no problems with him accepting the whole package. thank you for the support. sincerely rachel

Barb(Pa) 1/24/07
Happy Hump Day FM'ily, YoYo,Sounds like you have had a busy few days,CONGRADS on the promo.

Richard,sounds like you are over doing again...slow down before it gets you down.

We delivered in Phoenix and are now sitting in sunny Palm Springs,we finally found some warm temps.We will be in Fontana,Ca tomorrow and hope to get a load back east from there.

Lee Ann we will probably not go back home until sometime towards the end of February,we have not had much income this month.

Doris,good luck with getting out on your own,I can understand your thinking on this all to well,been there and done that before I got married to Dave. It took 6 years of his asking before I would agree because I didn't want to be a burden on him.

Just heard a very good friend at our company has non-operable cancer,so would any of you who believe in prayer please pray for him and his wife:Lonnie and JJ.

Well gotta run for now,welcome newbies and warm gentle hugs to everyone.

Barb Thursday January 25, 2007
Barb (GA) Lee Ann I myself have the exact symptoms, If anyone just touches me I have pain. I have constant burning sensation thru my body. I really don't now how ya'll cope. I'm really having a hard time. Sometimes I think my family would be better off without me being in their way. Well anyways I won't talk about my depression. Richard you must really slow down. I know I have three children. There is always some kind of activity. I even have a hard time just driving to where the kids need to go. I would love to just go to a tropical island and just soak up some sun. It has been so dreary here in Georgia. Rachael I'm so glad you left your abusive husband. It sounds like you have found someone to take care of you. Just hang in there. I will be going to my new psychiatrist tomorrow. I really need this. I'm so struggling. And I do believe in prayer, right now I'm angry with the world. My loss of my job has really bothered me. Well I'd better typing really hurts. Love ya'll

Lee Ann/MI 01/25/07
Good morning all. Well, I have gotten my first declination from Social Security and now I have to appeal. For those who have been through this, would you please provide me with any tips. I was hoping that I could have avoided this but in my heart I guess I knew it would come. On paper my condition doesn't look that diabilitating but as you all know, we struggle just to make it through each day. Thanks to all who have responded to my question. I am glad to hear that others have had the same experience. So far, the sensitivity is just irritating and uncomfortable and I hope that it won't get any worse. Barb/PA, I will certainly keep your friend in my prayers. Draw your strength from the one above and from those around you. Also, know that we all care for you. Peace and gentle hugs to all.

Stefanie-PA Thurs. Jan. 25th
Hello everyone- I wanted to respond to LeeAnn(MI) regarding SSD.
I was also denied when I filed for the first time. I filed online myself; which many people told me to do and that was a big mistake. I would get an attorney who deals with Social Security Disability before filing your appeal. Thankfully I found an AWESOME attorney who got it all done for me. I did have my hearing and the judge found in my favor while we were there. This just happened in December and I am still waiting for my money. The entire process took me over 2 years. My attorney always told me while the case was going on you need to have think of everything you can't do on a daily basis. How much pain you are in on a daily basis; how your family suffers because you are not able to do the things you used to do. You have to give great detail on everything you can't do and where every pain is and how bad it is. Also how your mind is working now; I know with me I can't remember much of anything anymore; actually at this point I don't think I should even be driving anymore. They will also want to know why you feel you can't get to work, stay at work for 8 hours 5 days a week and get home. You also need to get every file from every doctor, therapist, psychologist even if you only were there once. The files from your doctors are key; the want something showing what you are stating is true and your doctors agree that you can't work anymore. They want you to show that you have tried everything to help yourself.
Anyway, I hope this helps you. I hope everything goes well for you; I know what you are going through and it is horrible. Just realizing you can't work anymore is bad enough and then you have to prove it just to get your money before you have the bill collectors at your door.If nothing else you really need a good attorney to help you do this. I hope everyone has a less painful day. Thanks again. Stefanie

Cheryl R 1/25/07
Cheryl R PA 1/25/07 Hello, To Barb(GA) Loosing a job is hard. My reality that I couldn't work in my FM beginning was a big grief to work through. I've pretty much worked in my life and did stay(as MOM)home some yrs. When finances get rough I want to help. My trust in God has been growing and making do also. I think for me it was a feeling of control I would have if I could work. Not that working was wrong. My husband(who I love dearly & is a big blessing to me) wanted me to stay home way before I got sick b/c I have ladies I get with and mentor or help some in different ways(that is not co-dependly)when time allowed. FM is about no control. It never announces when it will hit. So go with the flow is adopted-one day at a time-if hour by hour when needed. I was counseled to rest & relax. Let the process take its place and in time it gets better not over. I've learned to adapt and flex when needed. Making plans but knowing to cancel if necessary and the world won't end if I do. Making plans in the beginning when I started to feel a little better was a big mountain for me for I would become very anxious. I am anxiety/panic disorder anyway on med so this was an extra. When I stepped out and made a plan that I did keep I celebrated. It was such a big thing. Since I can plan more and more and see the plans through than not. I am retired at an earyl age I think to myself-what some would like to do and don't. So am ok today with it and try to enjoy it for that reason and my days are full as though I do work. I don't see me working for I still know there will be a time(and there are) when I wouldn't make it. How do you tell an employer - oh today I won't be in but maybe tomorrow. Not fair to the employer let alone the limbo for me. Stress!!! Barb you are my first person to respond to my posts - thank you. I started to feel invisiable. Neck pain is one of my biggies. I use biofreeze a physical therapist introduced to me. Great stuff. Ice sometimes to or a neck warmer from the micro. My husband also will work on it when possible. Chiro helps too. Bernadette-WOW in Alaska! What a beautiful state I hear. I go to Curves where there are weight resistant machines. That's my only weights now. I use to do more and hope to in a new class I go to one day. My arms tire easily so I'll wait till I'm more up to par in this aerobic/dance class I go to twice a wk. Lee Ann yr thoughts about things touching and hurting are familiar to me with certain things. My back will hurt sometimes at nite before bed that loose clothing is the best relief along with just sit on the sofa with pillows propping me till it dies down. If not then when I go to bed. The other is my hands like when I am driving. At certain times the stiring wheel touching my palm will be prickly. A nuisance. Rachel I believe trauma and FM do have a related fact. I read stories of others where trauma was the beginning before FM. I am a PSTD survivor from a childhood experience. Many body memories over eight yrs of work and then flashes and triggers. Add a day with teens, work, house, a dying (abusive)father (who I wanted to be normal and have loving times with)along with exercising/just taking care of me stuff grew to place of burn out. My thyroid died and I was in bed for three months. Learn to walk again and measure myself. This I describe was the last before being diagnosed with FM. My memory stuff was prior on going. Counselors, hospital stay, going out of state for help, and in groups with others like me. I read a London study one time and they called it "nervaousis". FM that is. I felt like I blew a fuse and they wrote that in their article of others saying the same thing. This was on my report for my getting disability. I take meds and keep boundaries about all this stuff and it's brought some sanity to my life. A lot in place to keep me sane, healthy and a better attitude. I enjoy life much more. Thank God. I've been thru a flu/yuk bug this week that didn't bring on vomitting or a bad case of diarreah. Each day was a different symptom to deal with and just kept dealing the best I could along with rest and accomplishing various things to keep my mind off it. Soon out door for bill paying and shopping. Cold here and saw some snow this morning when out to do my blood tests. Blessings to All on the WALL. I to by the way have a friend with cancer stating July is her time up. Will see what God says. Another friend just had cancer of the trachea and it was removed. Learned to talk with a machine and does well. Worked in an enviroment of second hand smoke in a barber shop most of his days. Sad. Cheryl R 1/25/07

rachel 1-25-07
its rachel, barb thank you so much,the encouragement means a great deal after what i have been through.i have had 65 broken bones in 12 years. not feelin well today,in a horrible amount of pain.stay well and blessed be.

Starr in WV 1/26/07
Hi everyone. I wasn't able to catch up on all the posts, I haven't been on for awhile. The past several weeks I've been busy either working or helping with my grandkids. My daughter-in-law came down with pneumonia at the same time her grandmother became very ill. Just as Heather was recovering her grandmother died (she was 97).

My biggest problem right now is my job. My boss is crazy. I meant that literally. She has some mental problems and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with the stress she causes. It is a small office, besides her there are 2 other attorneys who are great and me and one other staff person. We all get along just fine but the boss is ruining a good thing. Now I'm at the point, do I try to stick it out for a few more years until I can retire or do I try to find something else. Is the evil I know better than the evil I don't know?

Thanks for listening, just wanted to vent. I have to say that if it weren't for my faith and some very good friends, I don't know what I would do.

It's very cold here. I pray everyone is getting along ok.

Richard in Tucson 1/26/07
Good Friday morning to you all. I just thought I would take a few minutes to post.
Jaime: I understand your grief, I don't handle death well either, My Brother Died 20 years ago this month, I still have not gotten over the grief, I think about it almost all the time, I just try to think about the good times we had growing up together and I try to make the best of that. Pray to the lord for help and strength.
Doris: I am sorry to read that your relationship with Jason is not working out, you seemed so happy when you first got your house and all. I do wish you the best on your new apartment and what ever happens we are here for you.
Bernadette: I am so glad to hear your husband quit smoking and that you are in the process, I am sure his quitting that nasty habit will make it easier on you to also. Your health is the most important thing also it will only be best for your Son.
Virginia: I have really missed you

I hope your hand is recovering well, great you could make it back to the wall.
Lee Ann/MI: Thank you for your concern, I will be OK I am pacing myself this week. About the sensitive muscle & skin I have time like that mainly at night when I am trying to sleep the sheets even hurt.
Barb (Pa): Thank you for caring, I am paceing myself this week.
Barb (GA): You are so kind, yes kids are not easy especially our 7yr old daughter. I would love to join you on that tropical island getaway.
Warm welcome to the newbies.
Starr: I understand what you are dealing with, keep coming to the Wall, we will get you the best advice.
Well I must go gentle hugs to all Love Richard in Tucson...

Lynn In Columbia MO Friday 1/26? 27?
Hi group! Well this is quite a day....I took early retirement and am closing up my house and heading to San Francisco to be with my dear friend. Her Brain tumor has now sent tendrils across the hemisphere...not good. She is finished with the radiation and ends the chemo this week. Ah well, life is good. I have just come back from there to close up things here.....leaving Tuesday for the rest of her life. She would do it for me. That I know for sure.

Anyway, the natives are getting used to my screams as I drive the hills of San Francisco! They aren't pointing and laughing anymore. That is good.

Everyone, relish your days....even the foggy ones....and the painful ones. We do have the good ones to look forward to. The good days are even extra good because we have the bad ones to compare them to. Wish me well and for those of you who fold your hands together and mumble silent stuff.....mumble a bit for me and Dorothea......we will be needing it!

Jaime 1/26/07
Hi everyone, Thank you for the sweet comments and advise with my mommom's death. Rachel- PTSD normally does link in with FMS, and CFS. I was diagnosed with PTSD after being diagnosed with FMS. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Too much has been going on here, way to much stress happening. Gotta go for now, sorry so short. Take care, stay warm and healthy.

Rachel 1-26-07
cheryl and jamie-thanks so much. I have had ptsd since i was 7 years old. its nice to know there really is a link. i thought maybe i was going crazy because when my stress level is up i hurt so bad. my doctor is providing pain meds as needed and that helped a little. i hope everyone is well and blessed be.

Bonnie = CA Friday, 1/26
Hello All, I'd like to use paragraphs, but my eyesight is bad right now. I'm scheduled for cataract surgery in March. I've been afraid of it for two years, but now I'm looking forward to better eyesight. I have problems that I know I've read about here. STARR: It seems like we're both having job difficulties. I was transferred (not asked) into a job with a guy I knew was crazy as he was a previous co=worker who slammed a door in my face & yelled at me when I confronted him with a lie he was spreading about something that was quite silly about the job I had then, so, oh, Lord, he was promoted to supervisor and I'm the only full time person he supervises. I'm 63 years old and had a sizeable cut in pay and told I was to file all day long. Within two weeks, the pain in my legs was unbearable. I guess it was the combination of arthritis (recent diagnosis) with fibro. & varicose veins. I've had a flare that I fortunately had a six week break from, but now I'm stuck with the sadistic supervisor who still yells at me while treating others, especially a temp. woman many years youger, drastically differrent. Well, the worst of it is that I filed a worker's comp. claim (status undetermined) and was told by 3 occupational med. MD's that I should retire and get disability by having my primary MD sign the papers. She's from the country of Georgia and (apparently has seen much worse than me) gives me more & more meds., but none of these MD's want to put it in writing that I can't cope w/the pain, even though I've filed four WC claims during the last 10 years, blah, blah, blah. The MD today says that stress affects my conditions, and even though my current supervisor is causing the stress that's putting me over the top (recently diagnosed with hypertension, too). Probably an attorney should be the next step. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I've read somewhere about the PTSD connection, too, and I've been told I have that, also.

sharon/IL.--1-27-07
Hello every one...I havent been in here for a long time...been doing ok this year...other then fighting my fibor...the reason is coming out tonight is i lived in IL. and my parents live in FLa..they have been having a ruff time..my mom had a operation and i went there to help( about 2 months)...got back in Oct. of 2006....now my mom sick again plus my dad has cancer in the lung and kinnie..spots...we talk every day i am on stand by...but as the days goes by ...even if they are handing things..i can slowly see the strand in my Dads voice..He said he most likely going to put my mom back in the hosp...and hes is starting his treatment this week up to 6 weeks..whats sad is we have family there and their all busey with their lives...i know this is part of life but with my fibor...all i can do is cry..cant sleep..knowing I cant get there the tickets are to high.. checking them every day....plus i dont want to go to early becouse my dads going get sicker as time goes...my mom been fighting bad colds and she had intesten operation..goes into Newmonia(cant spell sorry)she also has firbo... tooo..sorry i just talking in circles...The guy i live with hes watching them to ...hes a truck driver..he calls every day ..we both call..pc to pc we have..makes it nice...but it dont help the stress on my side...thank you for listening to me....

Bernadette Jan 27
RACHEL good going. If your hubby is abusive, then a big SEE YA to him! I hope you get through the divorce OK-they can be very stressful. Good for you finding a new guy. It sounds like things are looking up.

LEE ANN I can relate to the sensitive thing. Sometimes I have to have my hair totally up and out of my face because it hurts to brush against it. THe painful burning sensation is definitely familiar. I find that the drug Neurontin (similar to Lyrica) really helps me a lot with this.

BARB (Ga) I am thinking about you and I do want to encourage you to keep going through this rough patch and keep seeking care for yourself and it will get better. You know, you mentioned that you were seeing psychiatrists for your FM and I wonder about that. FM is an illness that is just being treated as a legitimate illness. THere are still some backwards doctors out there that think this is all in our heads. This is NOT a psychiatric problem! Yeah, there might be some depression involved, but who the hell wouldn't be depressed if they were constantly in pain and having to say goodbye to the life they'd always known while the people around them were just telling them it was all in their head!!! Duh!! I think that you should see a new doctor. See if you can get in to see a rheumatologist or neurologist. They are the specialists who deal with fibromyalgia and can prescribe medications that address the PHYSICAL PAIN that starts the whole cycle of depression in the first place. OOhhh, I get so bad on your behalf I could just SCREAM!!!....OK there I have calmed down. Do please think about seeing someone other than a psychiatrist for your FM. YOu could suffer from mental illness as well as FM, but FM itself is not a mental illness.

YOLANDA and RICHARD thanks so much for your support about quitting my nicotine gum habit. I quit smoking 8 years ago.It is so ironic that I started the gum to get off the cigarettes and then 8 years later there I was still chewing...it has been hard but I still haven't had any-or relapsed to cigs either. CHERYL I really liked the way you put into words your struggle with not working. I could relate. I have noticed on the WALL that most of us come from traumatic pasts. It is like our bodies store and absorb only so much before they break. Now I am just trying to find a way to get it working again. STARR good to hear from you again. I say at least check out your options in terms of a new job. It doesn't hurt to look. LYNN Wow! I wish you luck in your new adventure. I hope that you will still continue to come here and share your wisdom with us. SHARON how hard it must be to be apart from them at a time like this. They are lucky though to have a daughter who keeps in touch and loves them so much. Well everyone, I'm pooped and going to bed! I'll talk to you soon!

Rachel [Ohio] 1-28-07
well its me again.Bernadette thanks so much. i am feelin pretty bad today. i live in ohio and we are gettin snow and it is so cold. my hands are bearly moving. thank you to everyone for all the advice, it means a great deal to me. i hope all are well and blessed be.

cheryl r 1/29/07
Cheryl r 1/29/07 Hello, Bonnie who spoke of cataracts I have had them done at the age of 45