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Discussion Wall Archives, ending March 31, 2006

Doris 3/28/06
Hey everybody. Hope you are all feeling better this morning. I am hurting in my back,legs,and neck. At least I don't have a headache this morning. It is cloudy here and trying to rain some. It's 46 degrees outside and it's just 9:30 am. It's supposed to get up in the 60's today. Spring has arrived!

For all the newbies on here, I live in NC. It's a great state cause the winters are not too bad here. We seldom get snow. Had none at all this winter. But I actually like to get it at least once cause I think it is so pretty .

I also have fibro,IBS,migraines,depression,anxiety,degenerative disc disease,arthritis,osteoarthritis,restless legs,chronic fatigue,and last year I had thyroid cancer and they took my thyroid out. I take 12 pills a day everyday! I am 45,divorced,2 grown kids(son-25,daughter-19),2 grandkids(granddaughter 2 & grandson 3 months). I have a super sweet boyfriend of 4 years(in April). His name is Jason and he is so good to me. He has been here for me thru all my sickness and problems. My disability hearing is coming up on April 18 so everyone PLEASE wish me luck!!!!!! I have been trying to get it since 2003. It's been a long wait. Ok just wanted to let you all know a little about me. So take care all and hope you all have little pain today and lots of smiles. God bless each of you. Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY KACEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dee on Tuesday March 28, 2006

It has been awhile but I've been so busy with (?), what I don't know. But I know I've been busy.

Hilda...above each post is the person's name in red, click on it and it will open up your email and put their name on a new compose. On some computers, when you hover over the name, it will show the addy at the bottom of your screen. Welcome to our Wall.......

Bernadette....thanks for the exercise with the stairs. I tried it and it just stretches the muscle in the back of my leg enough to give relief. Who would have thought a small thing like that would help so much.

Yes we do have lots of new Wallabies. Sorry you needed us but glad you found us.

Hope For The Best, Plan For The Rest and Keep The Faith

Crishanna/March 28
Good tuesday morning to all. You guys are all such sweet people. I guess I'm sensitive this morning so it makes me teary eyed. I feel very blessed that I have been able to get disability through my work. It will only last for two years though, and I don't think Social Security will pay much to a 26 year old. Right now I am doing an at your own pace program to become a medical transcriptionist, it's been pretty hard to juggle it with my pain, but I am hoping I will be able to work from home. Me and my husband still have so many goals. We will have been married a year next month. I feel like such a faliure to him but I know it's not my fault. We can't get a house until I have a more steady income than just two years coming. I'm so worried I won't be able to have children, which is something we both want more than anything in the world. Even if I do get better long enough to have a child I worry about being able to give them everything they deserve in life when I am constantly hurting. I had a pretty bad childhood which I'm sure many of us have. I worked through years of therapy and was finally seeing hope when the fibro hit me. It feels like there's no end in sight sometimes. Don't get me wrong I try to be possitive and helpful as you can see in my last two posting. However, it does get the better of me sometimes. I was so happy to see that there are other people who feel the same way I do everyday. I do admire your courage. How could anyone not. Thank you so much for listening to me blabber on. I guess I just needed to vent. I hope you all have a wonderful day with little pain. Soft hugs to all of you. Take care.

Hilda, 3/28/06
Hilda, 3/28/05 Do any of you go to your Rhumie for steroid shots? I’ve been doing that for years. They work for a little while but not forever. After about a month of sheer and total agony all over, I finally made an appt. to see my Rhumie today. I am so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired all the time. I think of taking a bottle of hydrocodone just to end the pain. There MUST be some way someone can identify why we all have this agonizing syndrome. I don’t believe I got it from a virus, which some of my reading indicates. There is also indicating evidence, or so they say, that this monster of pain strikes after a trauma in one’s life. Well, I’m here to tell you that my life has been one trauma after the next and I don’t believe that theory either. I wonder if there is a fibro diet around. Also, do any of you take vitamins and minerals? I wonder if there’s a correlation there. Too much of a good thing can be bad, you know. Anyway, if anyone would like to speculate, let’s hear it. I went for a job interview today. Could barely hold my head up but pulled it off. The question is, if I get the job, how will I be able to work in this much pain? Good to meet everyone. Are any of you going to be at the convention in Kansas City this year for FMS and CFS? I live in a suburb of KCMo on the Kansas side. I may go to this convention. Depends if I have a job to pay for it. Please respond to me. Thanks.

Richard in Tucson March 28, 06
Hi all; Happy Tuesday & "Happy Birthday To Kacy in Columbus" I have not been able to post regularly because, I have been soo fatigued this week & last week. I started Back on my deck project yesterday that I had been putting off, because of fatigue & depression. I got help from a new friend, who is a man in our neighborhood, who's daughter goes to the same class as our daughter Nicole. The new friend's name is Kevin & he is so helpful to me. I hope this friendship lasts. He has time on his hands because he is semi-retired. He is glad to find someone to help, & keep him busy.
Welcome Vonnie: You are already doing the best you can keep up the swimming, maybe you can add some gentle water aerobics to your routine. You are right having hope & faith in God will amke things work out for the good.
Welcome Suz: Yes your gift horse is a good sign, you do still have to take it easy though. We did get something done on the Deck yesterday, thanks for the good luck.
Doris thank you for your continued concern, I too wonder where the regulars are, but I am sure they will be back. I also welcome all the New people here.
Bernadette: Good to see you too, Don't be too sad we have not really broken up, we are busy with life & it's trials & tribulations. These wonderful new people here, need our advice and help. We have much to contribute. Welcome Hilda: Welcome, You seem to be very positive about getting better. This wall will help you, keep coming back.I am sure you are not an idiot, we have all made regretable decisions, don't blame yourself so much, it doesn't help you to get better, it only adds to the stress. I live in Tucson Arizona, yes we are allowed to share where we live, if that will make you feel good, go for it.
Judy: Welcome to the Wall. I hope you enjoy your deck soon. Your Welcome, for the Kindness & encouragment, that is my best contribution I am able to make to the people here.
Welcome Back Dee: we have missed you.
Welcome to the Wall Crishanna: I am sure you will do well @ whatever you set out to do. You can request a bennifit statement from Social Security if you want to know how much you are eligible for.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and week as well as restful sleep, when ever you can get the sleep you need.
Gentle Hugs, From Richard in Tucson

Lee Ann/MI 03/28/06
Good afternoon to all! I am having a painful and fatigue day. It may be because it is rainy. I had to run out to Walmart to pick up something and should have ran a few other errands but I ended up coming home because I was too tired and was hurting too much. I guess it will have to wait until another day. Richard, I am so glad to hear that you have found someone that can help you and will be able to be your friend. I understand what you mean about you hoping he will stick around. I have had a few "friends" disappear after a while. They just couldn't cope with my illness I guess. Hugs and prayers to all.

JannBerger
LIGHT THERAPY: My computer is wonky, so this will be brief. In Jan. 2005, I wondered if SAD was the reason for the insomnia. I began by sitting in a sunny window for 30 min. on good days, staring at the sky for 30 min. on gray days, and riding or driving without sunglasses for 30 minutes a day. I began to sleep! I also did a lot of reading on SAD. I ordered, on the internet, after much research, a lamp for under $175.00 (seems like a lot, but those meds cost, too). I found it on the internet. It is a true sunlight imitator without UB rays. It is not just sewing light, an Ott Lite,which is not a therapy lamp.. I have one of those, This is made for light therapy. It is much less expensive than a light box. I put it on the table and eat my breakfast with my eyes about 24" from the light. It flexes so that I can keep my bulbs from shining directly in my eyes. I use it for 25 minutes. It has been a blessing and a miracle. The company was Full Spectrum, but there are other companies in the business, also. The beauty of this is that if you can outside or have a window, you can try it at home before you buy a lamp. Good luck. This won't solve everyone's insomnia problem, I fear, but it should help some of you. It surely helped me. My fibro was much better most of 2005. Jann March 28

Rose 28 March '06
Lots of good correspondence on this site. Come to think of it, I haven't found another site with so many responsive people. Suz, thanks for the encouragement. I am inclined to keep it brief tonight. Pretty tired and still reeling from an appointment today that confirmed my fear that MS is involved in the decline of my body and mind. Now I have to decide if I want to subject myself to the pain and discomfort of more tests. I drove around for a couple hours after the appointment. I guess I was trying to remove myself from my fears and feelings. I felt silly asking the clinician if you can have both FM and MS at the same time. I may have unconsciously meant is it fair or can I handle more? A day at a time I guess. Enough for one day. Thanks.

louise ontario, march 29

Good morning everyone! It's a beautiful sunny day here.

Thanks to Crishanna, Judy, and Jann for sharing your experiences with carpal tunnel. It is awesome that I just asked yesterday, and I got so many responses so quickly.

About the light for SAD -- Karen uses one during the winter months. The lights attached either to her glasses or to the cap of a baseball hat, so she wears it for about 20 minutes as she goes about her morning routine. I think it costs about $180 (Canadian dollars!), but it is well worth it.

Someone asked if there is a diet that helps fibro. For years, several people recommended a diet for fibro and I thought "yeah, yeah right! A diet is going to help pain! I don't think so!" Well, I got desperate, and I thought why not try it? So we went on the fibro diet -- no wheat, no dairy and limited red meat. The thing that appealed about this was that we were told we would know within two or three weeks. It seemed worth it to try it for such a short trial. To make a long story short -- it works! Apparently it doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. So we eat a lot of rice cakes. But my pain has gone from a regular eight to a regular three. I still have to take my pain medications, and I still have breakthrough pain sometime, but I'll settle for that. Thank goodness Karen was willing to go along with this diet, or it might not happen. :-)

Awww geez... another tome! I will try to be shorter next time. I hope everyone has a great day. Hugs...

Doris 3/29/06
Hi all. It's a beautiful day here in NC. It's 10:00 am and already almost 60 degrees outside! Wonderful! I just love spring and the birds have been perching on my deck and singing like crazy! Guess they are feeling happy too! Hope all of you are feeling better today and having less pain.

Talking about the carpal tunnel,I had surgery for that on my left hand last year and I am supposed to have it done on my right hand but I haven't yet....kinda been putting it off. Trying to wait as long as I can I guess. Maybe cause I am right-handed.

My neighbor also told me to get some sun everyday. She said it is good for depression also. I never heard that before. So with spring here and summer coming,maybe my depression will let up alot. Been having quite a few flare-ups lately with that. Not even sure why. Just know it's a bad way to feel.

Dee,it's so good to see you back here lady. Been missing you too. Also I see that Bernadette, you too have found your way back to us! Been missing you also on here. I haven't seen July on here lately....sure hope all is ok with her! She is usually a regular. And Jaime and Yolanda.......wonder what's up with them? Also have anyone heard from Katielady in awhile???? Gee, where has everyone gone? I know there are some more that I am forgetting but hope everyone is doing good. My prayers are with Bonnie also. I am hoping only the best for her! And Richard, ah what can I say about you? You are such a go-getter.....always so busy!! I sometimes think you like to get so involved in work that you don't have to face any real problems in your life. You kinda like to work right around them. Did I hit a sore spot? Please don't be offended. You just strike me as that kind of a person and I don't mean that in a bad way at all! You just seem so absorbed ALL the time......hmmmmmmmmm. Am I guessing you right? Well have a good day all and take care. God bless!

Jaime 3/29
Hi all, Doris, I've missed you too honey. Things here have been rough the last week. Been having terrible migraines for the last 6 days. Taking Imitrex, Execedrin Migraine, Advil, basically anything to get rid of the migraines. They seem to calm down for a couple hours and then get worse again. Tomorrow I go to the neurologist for the migraines to see if there is anything that they can do for it. This morning when I stood up I saw black spots and almost passed out. Between the migraines and the food allergies and seasonal allergies starting it's not been fun. Today I've also been having a stiff, sore neck that also traveled down into my shoulders too. Can't wait to get to this neurologist. Hopefully he can help. Stay warm everyone, and also stay safe. Love you all.

Richard in Tucson March 29, 2006
Good Wednesday to you all: I don't know where the time goes.
I was busy working on my Deck project this morning because that was the only time my friend Kevin could help me. It is almost time to pick up Nicole from the bus, & I have to shower first.
Lee Ann/MI: I am glad you understand, I do beleive that meeting him @ this time in my life is destiny, I just don't want to blow it, friendship is so important to me.
Doris: I feel so good knowing that you are feeling happy and enjoying spring & having less pain. You might be right about my being so busy, I am not offended @ all. I do take care of real problems, it's just not so easy for me. I have to anylize them and break them down into smaller managable pieces, that work for me with my limitations. Well I hate to go but I have to. Gentle Hugs from Richard in Tucson...

Hilda
Thanks for letting me know someone’s really there, Richard. I appreciate your welcoming words. So, I went for a shot of Depo Medrol yesterday. Has it helped? No. They used to work really well, but I’m not so sure anymore. Rose, so sorry to hear you have MS. My husband’s doctors thought he had it a few years ago. The tests are lengthy but not too unpleasant. I hope after you have had the complete battery of them done, your doctors will find that they made a mistake. I’m having a rough day. I think if I don’t find a job soon, I’ll have to apply for disability again. I’m not sure I can hold down a job feeling this way anyhow. Don’t know about any of you, but the weather here in Kansas has been so crazy this year. Hot, then cold, then hot again. It really bothers me and the barometric pressure tells me it’s not going to be better very soon. Sorry to complain. I’ve had 30 years’ experience as a legal assistant/secretary/paralegal and no one will answer my resumes. I have to work or get disability, if I can. Too upset to continue. Hope everyone has a good rest of the week.

Suz March 30
Hello to everyone.. So many troubles and so many suggestions! Thats what its all about..sharing. Spring has sprung in New York! My back is certainly attesting to that! After a bad day yesterday and feeling better today, I grabbed the rake! Well DUH! Somebodies got to do it. Everything seems to take SO much longer to get done. Its very irritating but then I think,,hey! I can still do it..I just have to know when to quit, unlike today! Can anyone tell me if allergies goes along with the fibro? I was tested almost a year ago and was told if there was anything that I wasn't allergic to, they didn't find it. Even with allergy shots every week, I still have problems, GRRRRR. I finally get done work *retired due to disabilites* and think, I can spend all day outside puttering if I want, I don't have to go to work worrying about hurting! Now my allergies keep me in..life sure isn't very fair sometimes but its better than the alternative! Love and Light to all!

Lee Ann/MI 03/29/06
Hi everyone! Have had a bad day today. I have a lot of pain and headache. It probably is because the weather is really unstable right now. To the person asking about allergies, the answer to your question is that Yes!, I have had allergies all my life and find that it sometimes makes the fibro worse on those days that they are flaring. I don't know if there has been any scientific research done in that area but I know in my case it is true. I certainly can sympathize with your discomfort. To all who are posting right now, thank you for your kindness. You do not know how much it means sometimes to just hear a kind word. I have been really discouraged lately and your postings have been a welcome relief and a boost. Even if you do not answer someone directly, a posting may touch others in ways that you may never have intended. Please continue to give words of encouragement and ask questions. Richard, good luck on your deck. I hope you get it done so that you can have some place to rest. Peace to all.


DeniseMT March 29, 2006
Hi all. I am a newbie to this site and to FM, just diagnosed yesterday but both my Dr. and I were pretty sure what was going on. I am still trying to figure out my life. How do you manage your time? Right now I get up in the morning and see how I'm feeling & decide from there. Will it always be like this or are there life management skills I can learn? It's so crazymaking. I do have to quit my job. I can't get up for work & if I do I'm so sleepy &/or foggy brained I can't think. And the mental lapses, people can take coffee breaks while I'm trying to come up with a word. My bosses have been very good to me but I finally told them this wasn't fair to them. It's not their problem, it's mine. Right now the pain is on a level that I can handle with Ibuprofen 600 but I expect it will get worse. I love to make jewelry so I'm going to try and make a job out of it. Craft sale, fairs & such. My daughter sells her painting this way so I will join her. She'll drive, I'll sit. That's doable. I also have allergies, nasal and food. Depression & anxiety run in my family, 6 siblings and all on antidepressants, happy little group. I love them all but we do sometimes have trouble getting along. Winter has always been a bad time for me and my daughter. Every year we say we are each going to get a sun lamp. Still haven't. Just a martyr I guess. Nice to know you all, nice to know I'm not alone. DeniseMT

Doris 3/30/06
Good morning everyone. Ah, another glorious day in fibro world,isn't it? Another day to face our daily trials and pains BUT let's all remember we DO have alot to be thankful for! Never be so down that you forget the GOOD things in your life! Tell someone that you love them today or give someone a nice hug or just do something a little special for somebody today. You will see what I mean. I will give you guys an example. Last night my boyfriend was so tired when he got home from work. He took his shower and ate supper and then he kicked back in the recliner. My back was hurting BUT even so I sat down on the floor and rubbed his feet and legs down with lotion and massaged them for him. He thought it felt so relaxing and afterwards he dozed off. Bless his heart. He has been SO GOOD to me! He deserves a little special treatment sometimes too. Sometimes little things mean alot to people. But this guy has stuck by my side thru thick and thin. He really loves me alot and of course I love him too!!!!! I am just saying that sometimes no matter if I am feeling bad, I try to do something special for others UNLESS I am really having a BAD day! So be good to yourselves everybody BUT be good to others also. Have a great day and hope your pain is little and your smiles are big! Gentle hugs to each of you!

robbi-mar 30
I've haven't had anything to post for a long time. Recently, I started taking Ambien in the hopes that it would help me sleep. Unfortunately, 1 tablet doesn't work, so I would take 2. Doctor said he's had patients with the same problem before, but suggested not taking Ambien every night (is that even possible??). After a months time, I realized I was getting more and more depressed, and had some strange mental symptoms--the fibro fog and fatique got much worse, but I was sleeping much better. I ran out and tried to refill the prescription--which was to soon and insurance wouldn't pay. So I dried out for about 5 days--couldn't sleep at all for the first 2, then got it refilled. After two days I'm having those strange mental symptoms again, with amplified fatique...so much for taking sleeping meds! Ambien is a hypnotic, and the side effects listed are exactly what I experienced. Of course, it is so hard to distinguish what is a fibro flare and what the side effects of the meds are. Anyone have other suggestions for sleep, or problems taking sleeping meds?

Suz March 30
Thanks for the reply Lee Ann. I just don't understand the allergy thing I guess. I'm allergic to as much inside as out..so why does it get worse when I'm outside. How fortunate you are Doris, to have the support you do! I can almost bet it's its because you have the *do something nice, say something nice* attitude. My husband worries that I'm hurting but I often hide it the best way I can because he has his own problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, neropathy in his legs and he's still making it to work in a facotry. Not an easy job with his problems. When he gets home, I don't ask for much unless I really need it. Like strain a big pot of potatoes. Sounds stupid but I can't do that anymore. I try to time it when he's up and moving around for something so that he doesn't have to get up special for me. I also do his legs every night, hoping to keep the circulation going and to soften the skin. He gets celulitis, usually from a crack in the skin where its dried out. Well, so we Fibro gals and guys have problems..lots of others do too. Sometimes it helps me to see and here about others and I think..I haven't got it so bad. At least it isn't terminal! Sorry to go on here but, Yes robbi mar, I have trouble with sleeping pills and meds for the nerves, neuroton,lyrica, topamax, and some of the stronger pain killers like methadone. I generally rely on Reiki, meditation to relax me enough to get a few good hours of sleep.

Suz March 30
Hows this for confusion and fog brain..I put the wrong date on my post, there are 2 for March 30th. I went for an appointment today and showed up an hour earlier. Man! Its a good thing I can laugh at myself! Hope you're all having a less painful day, with some energy! #3 post with the same date...LOL

louise ontario, march 30
Hi everyone! YIKES! Despite the beautiful weather outside, it looks like many of us are in pretty bad pain. I wish I could just wave my wand and make everyone better. ROBBI: according to the pain management doctor I saw, trazodone and amitriptyline are the two meds recommended for fibro patients. You might give those a try. You can count me in with those having a rough time lately, so I'll sign off for now. Hugs...

Hilda 3/30/06
Hello all. I have read some postings today that mentioned Trazadone. Trazadone is the generic for Deseryl., which is a sleeping pill. It may have other properties but I take it to sleep. I take two 50 mg pills each night along with my regular nightly hydrocodone and I’m off to never land except to use the bathroom during the night. Then it’s right back to sleep. One would think that since I sleep well, my fibro would go away. Not so yet. The job market in Kansas City and its suburbs is just awful right now. I heard yesterday that for every job in my field, there are nearly 150 applicants. I can’t really believe it’s that high, but the competition is just fierce. Don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll probably give it another week or so and then apply for disability. I’m not sure if I can hold a job anyway. Gotta go. Take care and feel better, everyone.

Diana 3/30/06
Good evening everyone! I also had a fibrofog moment & went to see my neurologist a week ahead of time! When I checked in I had to give them my new insurance card only to find out that they don't take it! I was pleased tho' because I was not looking forward to telling him that I was upset with him. Now I have 2 appts next week with the rheumy guys. It turned out good because I started looking sooner.
I got to see my daughter & grand baby yesterday. What joy (there you go Richard) they bring to my life! She brought KFC which is my favorite with potato wedges they're the bomb!! She looked at my pile of dishes & asked if they were all dirty, my kitchen is usually clean at the end of each day, but not lately! We all ate off of paper plates & had a blast! I did the dishes today, feels good.
I went to see my counselor this afternoon. She is pushing me to speak up to others about my past traumas. Yes I have something in common with Jamie. I was raped twice... once from my ex brother in law & another time by a "friend." My ex husband told both of them what to do, how do I know? He told me. I've talked about it a lot already & have even spoken to groups of women about it. I'm having a hard time figuring out how this will be helpful. Some of my fibro symptoms remind me of the pain, like pelvic pain. Then there's my dad, who is a crazy man & caused some permanent damage to my neck, ears & feet. That covers about all my fibro symptoms!
Good golly it was in the 70's today! I hope everyone tries out the sun therapy, I've found it helpful as well! Ok good night, sleep tight...I don't like the ending to that one! Lots of luvs & little hugs!

Bernadette March 30
Hilda sorry to hear that you are having bad luck with the job search.That must be so hard to be going through. I have not been on disability, so I don't know much, but a lot of people on here have tried and been denied or it has taken them a long time to get on it, so you might want to keep that in mind too. Just so you don't run out of money too fast and think that it'll come in quickly once you decide to apply for it. Someone a while ago asked for job suggestions for those with fibro.I think part time is the best of course, if you can swing it. I think that it is even better than no work at all because it keeps us active and involved in the world and away from depression. SOme of us can't afford to just work part time unfortunately. As far as kinds of jobs, any work that you can do at home, so that you can pace yourself and rest when you need to, like medical transcription, can be good. Just don't sit at the desk too long and get up and stretch often. I have found substitute teaching to be good for me. I can not take work on the days that I am flaring up. I do a lot of gentle moving around the classroom (plus, for me it is fun most of the time!). I am not sure and someone out there will probably know the answer, but I don't think that you can work part time and still collect disability. Isn't that too bad? It's like you need to quit doing what little you may be able to contribute in order to prove you need help.

Shaye
Hello

Well like many others I found your site because I am in EXTRA pain today.(Just started on a six day course of steroids and have a major headache to boot !) I always seem to surf more when I hurt more.
New to your site but not to fibro. I have had fibro and CFS for 19 years. I am 48.
I would like to ask a couple questions for anyone who would like to respond. I am single and have no children. It never really mattered to me if I was married or had kids. I always thought I either will or I won't. Either way I'm fine. That is the truth.
As I am getting older I am finding it very hard to keep up with things that need to be done like keeping up my old car, cleaning , etc. It is also getting harder and harder for me to keep working and being a single person my choice is work or live on the streets. So after many years of not dating I am wondering if I should try it again????? I haven't because I thought who would want me? I do have a good sense of humor and am a kind and caring person but I can't really go do things that I would think most men would want to do. I doubt they really want to sit on the couch while I am on my heating pad LOL Lately I am thinking I could use a helper. Now I would never date or marry in order to use a person but I think there must be men in the world who would be interested in having a girlfriend/wife who is kind, funny, loyal, etc. even if she can't go out and run a marathon?????? Then at other times I am back to thinking who would want me?
IF I did not have to work outside the home I would be physcially able to keep a home in decent shape. IF finances did dictate that I would have to work outside the home as I have always done, I fear I could not help make a nice home for a man. I guess what I am asking is what any of you may have experienced in this area?

My mom has had fibro for over 40 years. She was already married when she got sick. My dad was fairly understanding, as understanding as someone who feels good can be. Luckily he was a simple man. For the most part my mom did not work outside the home. She pushed and I mean pushed to have a nice, clean home for us. She has the attitude of an angel. In the midst of her pain and without much financially she helped countless neighbors. My dad was happy to come home to a nice meal and relax and read the newspaper. It just seems people, at least healthy people, lead such busy lives these days and I just cannot do that. Actually I don't want to. I am a homebody and enjoy being home.

OK. I will quit blabbering now and hope for some responses . I want to hear the good and the not so good.
Take care. I do understand your struggles. Nineteen years of the Judas body and having to work have made me an even more empathetic person than I already was.
Take care !

DeniseMT 3/30/06
Hi again. Thanks for the reply Louise, I was having a down day (depression) & there was your Hello to me. What a treat & so nice of you. Thank you. It's been a hard day trying to figure out what I'm doing. I had plans for the future & they didn't include fibromyalgia. Mourning is such a "not fun" thing to do. What if I can't do what I want? What if I don't have it in me anymore? What if I let people down? What if they leave? I guess I need to give it time & find the answers. I'm still trying to understand that I now have an illness. Me!! I always take care of everyone else, not them take care of me. "Whine." Okay I'm done. Thanks for listening. Diana, I also was raped years ago & through counselling found out that what you don't come to terms with you pack with you always. In your muscles. Tense muscles means more fibro pain. So let it go. Don't let someone keep hurting you. You have enough to deal with. See you all tomorrow. Thanks for letting me vent.

Judy March 31, 2006
Hello everybody. I just want to say you give good advice, Denise. I, too, was raped many years ago and had counseling, like way too many here at the Wall. The one thing I did learn thru it all is every day you carry the pain with you, you let that jerk hurt you over and over again, giving him the power to control you. I reclaimed my life once I figured that out.
I guess, like so many of you today, I've been in the fog all day. In fact, I should say the past week or so! It's not so hard to deal with except when I'm driving. I forget where I'm going, and once I figure that out, I usually just drive right on by and then wonder again where I'm supposed to be headed! Geesh! What a mess I've been! I sometimes think I'm losing my mind or something. That gets scary. Thankfully, lately my husband has been with me when I do such dumb things. Even watching for the stop signs. If he didn't point it out to me tonight, I'd have missed probably 3 or 4 stop signs! That's not a good thing.
Even tho it's been warmer here in Central IL the past couple days, we're supposed to get some storms heading this direction and I can tell you, my shoulders and my elbow knew it before the weather guys! My neck has been bothering me too, which makes it hard to sleep because there's just no way to lay where it doesn't hurt. So, yes, I'm sure you all are experiencing the same sort of things since it's Spring now and we're getting all sorts of damp weather across the nation(s). *Hello Canada* I guess we're all in good company and misery really does appreciate company I find in my experience, tho I wish none of us had to deal with this awful FMS. MS.
Thanks for listening to my gripes tonight dear Wallabies. You're all wonderfully warm, caring people. I'm so glad you all don't mind each of us pouring out our complaints. I bet alot of our families are glad we come to the Wall to open up about our pain and miseries instead of crying on their shoulders all the time too. My husband is always willing to lend me his shoulder to cry on, and sometimes even cries with me. He's great. But the rest of the family........well, I'm sure you all have experiences like I have with family, too.
God bless each and every one. Hugs.....Judy

Diana 3/31/06
I so appreciate your comments on how to overcome rape. Mine was also a very long time ago. I feel I have made peace with my attackers, justifying with the alcohol they all used heavily. This also includes my ex-husband by the way, how can your HUSBAND rape you?! He is a police officer & from what I've experienced they delve very heavily in wife swapping! He used bondage & a zapper, ever felt a zapper? It can cause you to succome to most anything. I never see him anymore, he lives in PA while I live in NJ. We have spoke on the phone & developed some sort of communication, although rare. My heart doesn't race anymore when I talk to him. Does it sound like I'm in denial to you? My therapist thinks so. Let me know what you think please.

Lee Ann/MI 03/31/06
Hello Wallabies! Wow, really amazed at how many are finding the wall just like I did. It seems like there are more women out there than I thought that has fibro based on trauma, like rape. I was not raped in the physical sense but I was traumatized by being in a cult. I had many years of working my way out of that trauma but I think maybe the fibro developed as a result. My best friend and I left the cult on our own which was not very easy. Unfortunately, she just passed away in July/05 from uterine cancer complications. I can't help but think that the trauma we went through manifested itself in her getting cancer and me getting fibro. We both came from a traumatized background to begin with. She, and her siblings, were taken away as a child from their parents and I lost my father at the age of 5. I guess I am telling you all this because I learned a long time ago that you have to learn to work through your problems and don't bottle them up if you can help it. You are doing damage to yourself, not to the person(s) who cause the trauma. I am not always successful in this but it is something I strive to achieve. To the person who is seeking answers regarding staying single or getting married. I too am single and 52. I sometimes think that I would like to have someone to be there to support me and wonder if anyone would want me. I have found, for myself, that it is better to stay single because I can control my environment more. I don't have to worry that I am failing someone else even though I do fail myself at times. I struggle to keep the house clean, which I fail at the majority of the time. I went through a mourning period when I was diagnosed because I realized that I will never be able to do the things I wanted to but I have come to a place in my life that I take each day a day at a time. Break up the tasks into smaller tasks and most of all listen to your body. I am struggling right now as to what kind of work I am going to have to seek out. I am currently unemployed and will have to work but I am finding that I am doing ok on lesser amount of money than I did in the past so I will be able to find something not as stressful as what I had been doing. Sorry for the book today. I just had a lot on my mind after reading the recent postings. Hugs, peace and a hope for a better day.

Richard in Tucson March 31, 06
Good Friday Morning to everyone:
Warm welcome to all the "wonderful New Wallabies" how does that sound instead of Newbies.
Hilda: I am so glad my welcoming words are appreciated. I would recomend that you apply now for Social security. Keep qualifying for Un-Employment by looking for all sorts of odd jobs that you might be able to do. In my state Arizona you can be disabled & qualify for Un-Employment as long as you are availible for work. I had to fight them a little but I won. In 1996 I was an Aircraft Mechanic. I was on short term disability with my Company, (Lockheed Martin)Due to then CFIDS, I filled for SS Disability, During my temp. Disability. The Company was Closing the Tucson Facility, when may bennifit ran out so they could not take me back on part time basis with limitations that my M.D. recomended, so I went to work for an other local company. The new Compay laid me off within two weeks because I could not work full time, and also I was not able to perform. I applied for Un-Employment. Because I was availible only for part time work they tried to refuse me my bennifits, I fought them and won about a months back pay. This was not easy, but I had to do it my family was depending on my income. I had to appeal there dicision. I did win. All the while I drew bennifits from Un-employment I kept Appealing SS Disability turn downs.
Any way, what I am trying to say is you can do it to, just don't tell Un-Employment too much.
Diana: I am so glad to read your post; you can speak up to us any time, just let it all out. Your counselor is probably right. We do tend to keep these emotions bottled up in all of our muscles, as strange as that sounds.
LeeAnne: Thanks for wishing me luck on my deck, because of you I was able to get done, what I had to do the other day. Welcome Denise MT: I don't manage my time very well, but I think you have the right idea. There are many life managing skills to learn just keep coming back here and you will learn from the pro's here @ the wall. You go a head and make your wonderful Jewelry, probably the ladies from the wall will buy you out, once they see your work. I am sure you will do well.
robbi: Good to see your post. Have you ever had a sleep study? I am not needing such harsh Drugs to sleep, thanks to the sleep study revealing Sleep Apnea, I now use a CPAP Machine, it has helped alot. I want to use a different mask though, I am going to be fitted just today for a full face mask.
Shaye: Welcome to the wall. I am sure that If you start Dating again & you have a good attitude you will find Mr. Right, I think you have the qualities that many wonderful Men are searching for. Heck, if I was Single I would Love to Date You. I have been married to a wonderful woman for over 20 years we have five wonderfull children, she has stuck with me because I have not given up.
Wecome to you too Judy: My advice on driving is let your husband drive when your in a fog. I have had some close calls due to brain fog, you need to be careful. Our shoulders are allways here for you to cry on.

I am running on & On and I have an appointment on the other side of town to get to. I must go talk to you Monday, Until then Gentle, wonderful, warm Hugs from Richard in Tucson....

Karen 03/31/06
Hi Im new here

and would like to know if anyone
had used the fibromyalgia & fatigue center
i'd like soom input.

Jaime 3/31
Hi everyone, As far as the trauma goes, my counselor told me she has found that most women and men too that have been traumatized whether it be by rape or sexual assualt (the biggest two), and then other traumas, who don't deal with the issues, the stress ends up hurting the immune system and other bodily systems to the point that we develop things such as FM, CFS, Lupus, MS, and many other immune problems. The stress that we carry is so high that it just finally wipes us out, our bodies say that's it, can't take this anymore, and we "Fall" apart. The stress lately has taken a toll on me with migraines, went to the neurologist yesterday, and he gave me samples of the imitrex shot to try. I went to the rheumy that I've been dealing with yesterday for the last time. He acted as though he didn't care from the moment he walked in the room, treated me rudely, when I expressed concern about the methotrexate he snapped back well then just stop taking it. So I think it may be time to look for a different rheumy. Yesterday during the physical exam when he was pressing on me, he said thats fibro get used to it. Jim was like what a jerk. Anyway, at least it's nice and sunny and warm here. Take care, stay warm, and safe.

Shaye

Richard . Thanks for the kind words.

I know I have a lot of value as a person but sometimes when we can't "do" as much as others well it's hard to remember what a good person we are and that we still have value. My friend always tells me look at all the men who have been cheated on, yelled at constantly, had girlfriends/wives who would not even care if they were able to make a nice home for them to live in. Don't you think they would be interested in a good person like you who would never treat someone that way???? I understand what she is saying but it is a struggle to actually believe it. Oh well spring is here. :) Maybe I will try getting back out there at least a little bit.

Take care
Sharon

Richard in Tucson 3/31/06
Second post for today, that is unusual for me.
Karen: Welcome to the wall. I did not know about this center. What is it and where is it? I would love to give you input about it, if you help me to locate it.
Jaime: I am sorry to read of your trouble with your Rheumy. You deserve better than him.
Shaye: Your welcome for the kind words, thats what I do best here. Your friend is right. You should repeat the affirmation over and over, That you are that good person & would treat your lucky man well. You deserve to have the best, & be treated the same. If I where single I would have the same problems due to my self esteme (spelling) Have a wonderful weekend talk to you soon. Get out there, find someone to love you, you are deserving of the best.
from Richard....